Hashem Is Crying ‘I Love You, But I Want You To Change’

Mother of Yosi Azan Writes Moving Open Letter; Hashem Is Crying ‘I Love You, But I Want You To Change’

Mrs. Ahuva Azan, beloved mother of Yosi Azan, wrote an open letter to her family about the pain she has been feeling since the horrific fire that killed her daughter-in-law and three grandchildren at their Flatbush home on Chanukah.

“Hello to all of you my beloved family. Until now I have not thought it wise to relay my thoughts to you or anyone else regarding how I feel about the tragedy that struck our family. Instead, I have been trapped within my own horrible feelings and attempting to figure out what my proper job is in response to what has happened.

Currently, it is still hidden from me, in spite of the pain, constriction, loss and great burden that we now all bear. When I returned from the unfathomable funeral in which I helped bury my daughter-in-law and three of my grandchildren, whom we will always miss dearly, I could not understand how I was supposed to sit opposite my brave and bold son and his children who are being kept alive by machines, unconscious and on respirators.”

My pain is too great to be real. I don’t wish this pain on any mother. I have chosen to focus on what God wants me to do at this time and therefore I am not collapsing in pain, I am struggling with it. Thank you father for the half-full glass. But this is not a simple thing to deal with. So what is to be done? I asked that I should receive a platform on which to shout a message to this beautiful nation of ours that it is time to awaken. Shall a shofar sound in the city and the people not shake with fear?

Hashem is screaming at us “I love you, but I want you to change.”

בַּצַּ֣ר לְךָ֔ וּמְצָא֕וּךָ כֹּ֖ל הַדְּבָרִ֣ים הָאֵ֑לֶּה בְּאַֽחֲרִית֙ הַיָּמִ֔ים וְשַׁבְתָּ֙ עַד־יְהֹוָ֣ה אֱלֹהֶ֔יךָ וְשָֽׁמַעְתָּ֖ בְּקֹלֽוֹ: When you are in distress and all these things have happened to you, then in later days you will return to the LORD your God and obey him.” (Devarim 4:30) 

מִן־הַ֖מֵּצַֽר קָרָ֣אתִי יָּ֑הּ עָ֜נָ֗נִי בַּמֶּרְחָ֣ב יָֽהּ: When hard pressed, I cried to the LORD; he brought me into a spacious place.” (Tehillim 118:5)

“There are times when our father in heaven brings us to the very rock bottom since it is only from down there that we can rise back up to where we need to be. There man will sit, there, where there is nowhere else to go down to. There, and only there, will he find the strength to rise back up.

“From the depths, I have called you oh Lord”. That is what David Hamelech said. So take me from here. It is not my job to sit in the hospital engrossed in the pain that I am feeling and to cry.

Thankfully I go out each night, to a different city in New York in order to try to straighten those who are bent of heart. To broadcast to the world how good Hashem is. Evil doesn’t come from heaven. Our father is good and kind to all. But we, who are flesh and blood, simply cannot fathom his goodness.

So what are we to do at this point? We need to wake up and recognize how to tell the difference between what is important and what is secondary and we need to strengthen ourselves. Our father wants us close to him. So please, continue to pray. Our salvation already exists and we will bring it even closer. I love you all from the bottom of my heart.”

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Below (youtube video) is a heartbreaking video of Yosi Azan’s mother speaking shortly after the Kevura in Eretz Yisroel.

It should be noted that Yosi Azan opened his eyes for the first time since the fire and attempted to speak yesterday, but the sedatives brought him back to sleep. Yosi and his 15-year-old son Daniel were transferred from Staten Island Burn Center to Weill Cornell Hospital in Manhattan. His 16-year-old daughter Shilat remains hospitalized in Staten Island. All three remain on life support, although Shilat’s condition is the most critical of the family.

Meanwhile, community Rabbonim led by HaRav David Ozeri (who is the family Rov) are raising much needed funds for the family. There are staggering expenses that raised funds are being used for.

Please open your hearts and make a donation in the memory of the fire victims, Mrs. Aliza Azan A”H (39) – the mother of Moshe Azan Z”L (11), Yitzchak Azan Z”L (7), and Henrietta Azan A”H (3), and make a donation in the Zechus for Refuah Shelaima for the injured family members who need tremendous Rachamei Shomayim.

Please continue to say Tehillim for Shilat bas Louza Aliza (16), Daniel ben Louza Aliza (15), and Yosef ben Ahuva Masuda – the father.

The fund can be found on The Chesed Fund website, or by  or by clicking here to be redirected.

(YWN Israel Desk – Jerusalem)