Rebbetzen Tziporah

Dear friends,

I don’t recall the first time I went to Rav Elbaz’s yeshiva, Ohr HaChaim, to hear selichot. My Ashkenazi yichus is solid. With two American parents whose parents came from Grodna and Bialistok there is little room for doubt (although my mother’s Yekke disposition left us all wondering. 

But since in my case, the apple fell far from the tree of her Russo-Germanic punctuality and order, I can safely say that the pure Jewish-Russo-Ukrainian blood in my veins is dominant). The Ashkenazi selichot that I was used to hearing are etched with desperate beseeching for atonement and awesome recognition of the grave nature of the days of awe and judgment. 

The words are difficult and written in an era in which language was a tool much as a canvas is a tool, and the art and poetry of their language is at times very challenging. You are in the presence of an awesome ruler, who controls every moment and every outcome, and your heart opens to His regal presence.

In Ohr HaChaim, the population is what some would call “amcha” Your people. Some are spiritual giants of note (the first time I was there the Belzer Rebbe put in an appearance). Some are the ones you meet in machane Yehudah and sell you roasted nuts and halva. 

Others are young yeshiva men and boys, some with the unmistakable BT look, and others who would find no trouble find what to discuss with Rabi Akiva if he were to make an appearance. The pure faith in the songs and chants is almost tangible. The mood is one of restrained joy in the knowledge that the King has the power to do anything that nothing stands between His love, his awareness of our deep suffering, and His willingness to open up any door for us if we do tshuvah. 

There is absolutely no hiding from Him, no attempt to rationalize or disguise where we are and who we are, but also no fear of being vulnerable to a G-d who loves us. When I think about my selichot experiences in both the Ashkenazi and Sfardi worlds, I also think of the beginning of this week’s parshah. Hashem had the entire nation gather to recognize the fact that our relationship to Him is covenantal and unchanging. 

What a party! Every strata was there, from the Greats to the wood cutters and water bearers. Daas Zekeinim takes note that the wood cutters were observably “doers” even if what they produce is not exactly what would put them on the cover of the ancient version of Time magazine. 

The water drawers don’t have a real product to see. They can give you what is there, and nothing more. They do sustain life, and belong to the same club as the Greats. What they (and we!) share in common is the deep imprint of faith and longing for connection in ways that are real.  It is in our bloodstream, inherited from the patriarchs and matriarchs, and experientially from the indelible impression of what we experienced when we all had moments of prophecy at Mount Sinai.

We are all warned not to let fantasy replace these realities. Today’s fantasies are just as illusory as the ones to which earlier generations used to fuel their escapes from reality. The ego fueled fantasy that you can write your own ticket to bliss without bringing Hashem into the picture. 

The fantasy that if you had more money your life would be perfect. How about the fantasy that whatever you have suffered in life must be the fault of others, and until they acknowledge their guilt, you can’t give yourself permission to really be alive. These fantasies can become your prison, and Hashem is committed to helping you escape. 

When there is no other way, He will push us to the wall and shake us out of the fantasies that we are currently experiencing. His preference is to give you help from Above if you start opening the door.

FOUR STEPS TO DRAW DOWN HELP

1 – Keep your eyes open. Notice Hashem’s presence in nature and in your life. See the patterns with their beauty and intricacy, and become aware that you are part of the picture, and not just an observer.  

Use words to describe what you see (words like wisdom, compassion etc.) and make them part of you. This is hinted at in Shmos 19:5 with the words, “If you hear, you will hear.”

2 – You have reason to thank Him for having not only given you a body and a soul, but for saving you from the consequences of your bad choices and the sharp turns and moments of despair that could have been the definition of your life, were it not for His help. This is hinted by the same text, which continued with, “You hear and will hear what I have done to Egypt”. 

The covenant with Him is so deep, and so everlasting that you can’t erase it. Every thought of tshuvah is part of your deepest self and is what the words, “the real you” mean. This is why in earlier times when the court had the authority to give corporal punishment, in the case of a man who refuses to divorce his wife even though the court determined that he is obligated to do so, is beaten until he says the words, “I want to divorce her”.

 It isn’t enough for him to sign the papers. He has to come to terms with the fact that he wants to do what is right on the deepest level, but the yetzer hara created a fantasy that hid this from him. Its name is ego at times (the yetzer hara has many aliases), but it will never disappear. 

3 – He brought you to wherever you are in life. Your parents met through interventions (being in the right place, knowing the right people etc.). Your birth as YOU is a result of endless hashgachah which when you think about it, means care, intervention and love.

4 – If you raise your awareness level to the point that these ideas aren’t external but that they are actually you, you have done a great thing. Then what happens?

The Great King will take you close, draw you to Him and with His help give you a year that is not only good, but sweet in every way.

Much love and shanah tovah...

Tziporah