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09 October 2024

Eliezer Meir Saidel: Shoemakers and Bakers – Yom Kippur


Shoemakers and Bakers – Yom Kippur
(Best read before Yom Kippur)

פְּתַח לָנוּ שַׁעַר בְּעֵת נְעִילַת שַׁעַר.

 

The favorite son of the king had both friends and enemies in the palace. His critics were constantly on the lookout for his every flaw and slipup, that they could use to chastise and ridicule him. One day, while out on a joyride, the prince wrecked the king's prize Rolls Royce, it was a total write off. As much as the king loved his son, there was no way he could let this slide, so he set a trial date to judge the prince for his carelessness. 

A week before the trial, the king summoned all his ministers. "I want to express my deepest gratitude for all your sterling service this past year and as a token of my appreciation, I am giving you all two weeks paid leave at the fanciest hotel resort in the land, all expenses paid!"

 

The trial date arrived and unlike normal trials where a prosecuting and a defense lawyer were in attendance, presenting their cases before the king, it was just the king and his son, alone! The prince was remorseful "Father, I don't know what got into me. 

I was joking with my friends in the back seat and I took my eye off the road for a second and suddenly we were in the ditch, upside down". The king, who loved his son, replied "Yes, it was an expensive car, but I have another hundred expensive cars. I forgive you … (with a mock stern expression on his face) … as long as you promise to be more careful in the future".

 

A week later the prince's enemies returned from vacation, only to discover that the prince had been exonerated. "What??! If we had been at the trial, we would have told the king about all the other shenanigans the prince got up to and he wouldn't have been let off the hook!"

 

This is Yom Kippur in a nutshell.

 

Yom Kippur is a completely different chag from Rosh HaShana. On Rosh HaShana HKB"H passes sentence on us, יוֹם הַדִּין. According to the Rambam (הלכות תשובה פרק ג, הלכה ג), if we are צַדִּיקִים, HKB"H sentences us to life. If we are רְשָׁעִים, HKB"H sentences us to death. 

If our merits match our detriments, in other words we are called בֵּינוֹנִיִּים, HKB"H places the "noose around our necks" as it were, for ten days before the executioner kicks the stool from under us. In these ten days, culminating on Yom Kippur, we have the opportunity to reverse any negative sentence passed on Rosh HaShana.

 

On Rosh HaShana, HKB"H sits in judgement with the entire entourage, the prosecuting angel on one side and the defense counsel on the other. On Yom Kippur, HKB"H sends all the angels, including the prosecuting angel, the ס"מ, on vacation, as it were, and it is just HKB"H and us alone, as it says וְנִשְׂגַּב ה' לְבַדּוֹ בַּיּוֹם הַהוּא (ישעיהו ב, יא).

 

On Rosh HaShana we have the chance to "sweeten" the sentence, however, in the official court protocol, our offense is clearly recorded for posterity, for all to see . Only because of "mitigating circumstances", does HKB"H, in His mercy, forgive us.

 

On Yom Kippur, we have the opportunity to erase the entire court protocol. Anyone searching online for Shmuel Yankel's judicial history will get a "404 Error" message on the screen. And that is not all. If we do teshuva the right way, all our prior offenses will not only be erased, they will be converted into זְכוּיוֹת! 

Instead of a "404 Error", we will see a dazzling screen telling us what a great guy Shmuel Yankel is. Not only a clean slate, zero balance in our bank account, but a huge plus – the more sins we previously committed, the more plus.

 

We have no idea what an amazing gift Yom Kippur is. It is HKB"H opening His chamber of treasures to us and allowing us one full day, to fill our hands with as many treasures as we can carry. Who would miss out on such an opportunity? It is a day of great rejoicing. אָמַר רַבָּן שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן גַּמְלִיאֵל, לֹא הָיוּ יָמִים טוֹבִים לְיִשְׂרָאֵל כַּחֲמִשָּׁה עָשָׂר בְּאָב וּכְיוֹם הַכִּפּוּרִים (משנה תענית ד, ח).

 

The climax of this celebration is towards the end of Yom Kippur, during תְּפִלַּת נְעִילָה, when, the Ramchal says, it is possible to attain the level of Adam HaRishon before the sin of the עֵץ הַדַּעַת.

 

In this shiur I would like to explore and understand the essence of תְּפִלַּת נְעִילָה so that we will use our time wisely and make the most of this (perhaps once in a lifetime) opportunity.

 

Why is it called נְעִילָה?

 

The Gemara (ירושלמי תענית פ"ד ה"א) brings a machloket between Rebi Yochanan and Rav.

 

According to R' Yochanan it is the time of נְעִילַת שַׁעֲרֵי הֵיכַל, the time when the gates of the Heichal in the Beit HaMikdash were closed by the Levi'im. As we know, the gates of the Heichal were opened in the morning just before the שְׁחִיטָה of the Korban Tamid (Gemara, Tamid 30b) and closed in the evening after lighting the Menorah. 

The opening and closing of the gates made a huge "clang" that could be heard all the way to Jericho (Mishna Tamid 3, 8). In other words, according to R' Yochanan, the נְעִילָה was at a specific, fixed time.

 

According to Rav, the time of נְעִילָה is the time of נְעִילַת שַׁעֲרֵי שָׁמַיִם, the metaphoric closing of the gates of tefila and teshuva in Heaven. Since we know that these gates are never closed (they are always open to accept tefila and teshuva), therefore תְּפִלַּת נְעִילָה is not limited by time, it is open ended.

 

Without getting into the philosophical debate between R' Yochanan and Rav, the closing tefila of Yom Kippur is called נְעִילָה because it refers to closing of "gates", both physical and metaphoric.

 

There is a third reason that it is called נְעִילָה and this has to do with shoes! This third reason requires some clarification.

 

Adam and Chava were created barefoot, without shoes. After they sinned, HKB"H said אֲרוּרָה הָאֲדָמָה בַּעֲבוּרֶךָ (בראשית ג, יז), the ground became cursed. For this reason, the Gemara (Shabbat 129a) says that a person must sell the beams of his house (even if it means demolishing the house) to buy shoes to put on his feet, in order that he not tread on the cursed earth – to create a division between himself (together with his holy neshama) and the earth.

 

There are very few cases when a person is permitted to walk barefoot on the ground, and that is when the ground he is walking on is holy. For example, at the סְנֶה, HKB"H says to Moshe שַׁל נְעָלֶיךָ מֵעַל רַגְלֶיךָ כִּי הַמָּקוֹם אֲשֶׁר אַתָּה עוֹמֵד עָלָיו אַדְמַת קֹדֶשׁ הוּא (שמות ג, ה). 

Any ground that is sanctified by HKB"H's Shechina must be walked on without shoes, without the division. This also applies to the Beit HaMikdash and it is for this reason that the Kohanim perform their Avodah barefoot. Similarly, when the Kohanim go up to the Duchan to do בִּרְכַּת כֹּהֲנִים, they are forbidden to wear shoes, in memory of the Beit HaMikdash.

 

The shoes in question are specifically shoes made from leather, because they recall the sin of Adam and Chava and the clothes (and shoes) that HKB"H made for them כָּתְנוֹת עוֹר וַיַּלְבִּשֵׁם (בראשית ג, כא).

 

נְעִילָה means "putting on shoes". We know that on Yom Kippur we are not allowed to wear (leather) shoes, even more so at the holiest point of Yom Kippur, during תְּפִלַּת נְעִילָה. So, what is the connection between shoes and תְּפִלַּת נְעִילָה?

 

R' Yisrael of Salant explains by telling a true story. One night he was walking home after Tikkun Chatzot and he saw a candle burning in the window of the shoemaker's store. Everyone was long asleep and the streets were deserted. Surprised that anyone was awake at this late hour, R' Yisrael poked his head into the window and observed that the candle was almost burnt out, with just a few drops remaining. 

R' Yisrael asked the shoemaker why he was "burning the midnight oil" and had not gone to sleep like everyone else. The diligent shoemaker replied "רַבִּי, כָּל זְמַן שֶׁהַנֵּר דּוֹלֵק, אֶפְשָׁר לְתַקֵּן".

 

This, says R' Yisrael of Salant, is what תְּפִלַּת נְעִילָה is. We are like that shoemaker. As long as the light still remains, we still have a chance לְתַקֵּן, to do teshuva.

 

R' Dessler (מכתב מאליהו, כרך ראשון קונטרס החסד עמ' 34) brings another perush that he heard from R' Yisrael of Salant. It says וַיִּתְהַלֵּךְ חֲנוֹךְ אֶת הָאֱ-לֹקִים (בראשית ה, כג). Chazal say חֲנוֹךְ תּוֹפֵר מִנְעָלִים הָיָה, וְעַל כָּל תְּפִירָה וּתְפִירָה הָיָה מְיַיחֵד יִיחוּדִים לְקוֹנוֹ (מדרש תלפיות, ערך חנוך). Chanoch was a "shoemaker" and on each and every "stitch" he was מְיַיחֵד יִיחוּדִים to HKB"H.

 

Obviously, the Midrash is not referring to a real "shoemaker" or "stitches" in real shoes. The Chazon Ish (מעשה איש) says that this is not to be taken literally.

 

We all know that Chanoch was a very spiritually elevated individual and he did not die. Chanoch was "taken" by HKB"H, וְאֵינֶנּוּ כִּי לָקַח אֹתוֹ אֱ-לֹקִים. Chanoch went up to Heaven in his physical form and became an angel, the angel מט"ט, who is also knows as שַׂר הַפְּנִים. The angel מט"ט sits (the only angel who is allowed to sit in Heaven) and records the זְכוּיוֹת of Am Yisrael (Avoda Zara 3b).

 

I heard a wonderful perush by HaRav Chananya Malka שליט"א (מכללת אורות ישראל), that explains what "shoemaker" in reference to Chanoch really means.

 

We have no conception of the reality of HKB"H. Even the most elevated individual in the history of the world, Moshe Rabbeinu, who went up to Heaven to receive the Torah and saw בְּאסְפַּקְלַרְיָא הַמְּאִירָה - only caught an infinitesimal  glimpse into the reality of HKB"H וְתַחַת רַגְלָיו כְּמַעֲשֵׂה לִבְנַת הַסַּפִּיר (שמות כד, י). Moshe only saw the lowest part of HKB"H's foot, kivyachol, the place where one wears a shoe. This is the maximum our human mind can conceptualize – the level of HKB"H's "shoe", kivyachol.

 

Even the most spiritually elevated place on earth, the Beit HaMikdash, compared to the reality of HKB"H, is nothing more than a "footrest", the place where one lays down his feet (and shoes), as it says הַשָּׁמַיִם כִּסְאִי וְהָאָרֶץ הֲדֹם רַגְלָי (ישעיהו סו, א).

 

Chanoch was מְיַיחֵד יִיחוּדִים to the highest level of understanding a human can achieve of HKB"H's reality, the level of HKB"H's "shoe", kivyachol and by doing so was in fact expressing total הִתְבַּטְּלוּת to HKB"H.

 

This is the essence of תְּפִלַּת נְעִילָה, total בִּטּוּל עַצְמִי in front of HKB"H.

 

That was the introduction, now we can begin the shiur!

 

Yom Kippur revolves around the number five. There are 5 tefilot (עַרְבִית, שַׁחֲרִית, מוּסָף, מִנְחָה, נְעִילָה). There are 5 עִנּוּיִים (אֲכִילָה וּשְׁתִיָּה, רְחִיצָה, סִיכָּה, נְעִילַת הַסַּנְדָּל, תַּשְׁמִישׁ). All the key phrases related to Yom Kippur end with the letter ה' (five) – תְּשׁוּבָה, תְּפִלָּה, צְדָקָה, סְלִיחָה, מְחִילָה, כַּפָּרָה, נְעִילָה וכו'. What is the special connection between Yom Kippur and the number five, חָמֵשׁ?

 

The number five reflects simcha, joy! If you switch the order of the letters of the word חָמֵשׁ from back to front, you get the word שָׂמֵחַ. Sefer Meir Panim devotes an entire chapter (chap. 14), to the connection between the number five and simcha. Of the seven layers in Heaven, the fifth layer, מָעוֹן is from where simcha emanates (which is why we say at weddings שֶׁהַשִּׂמְחָה בִּמְעוֹנוֹ). HKB"H created our world with simcha, with the letter ה', as it says אֵלֶּה תוֹלְדוֹת הַשָּׁמַיִם וְהָאָרֶץ בְּ-הִ-בָּרְאָם (בראשית ב, ד), and so on.

 

If I were to ask you "Which day in the year is the day with the most simcha?" I am sure most of you would not say Yom Kippur. If you want simcha, how about Sukkot, זְמַן שִׂמְחָתֵנוּ? or Purim? These are days of simcha. Yom Kippur? This is a somber day, a day of awe and introspection. How many people do you see smiling on Yom Kippur?

 

That is the most common answer, but it is the wrong answer. The Mishna (Taanit 4, 8) tells us לֹא הָיוּ יָמִים טוֹבִים לְיִשְׂרָאֵל כַּחֲמִשָּׁה עָשָׂר בְּאָב וּכְיוֹם הַכִּפּוּרִים. The level of simcha is (or should be) the greatest on Yom Kippur, even exceeding our simcha on Purim (which is why it is called יוֹם כִּ-פּוּרִים).

 

The hidden secret of Yom Kippur is simcha. Anyone who does not experience the most intense simcha on Yom Kippur, has completely missed the essence of this great day.

 

The three greatest, most joyous days since Creation were on the 6th day of Creation when HKB"H created Adam and Chava, on the 6th of Sivan when we received the Torah on Har Sinai and on … Yom Kippur. All these three days were a reset, a new beginning. Adam HaRishon seeing the world for the first time and declaring מָה רַבּוּ מַעֲשֶׂיךָ ה' כֻּלָּם בְּחָכְמָה עָשִׂיתָ (תהילים קד, כד). Am Yisrael at Matan Torah, when the world was reset to the state before Adam's sin.

 

Then calamity fell - Am Yisrael sinned with the egel. It was then that HKB"H gave us the second greatest gift ever given to Am Yisrael (after the Torah). HKB"H gave us Yom Kippur – the day that Moshe descended with the second luchot, after HKB"H forgave Am Yisrael for the egel וַיֹּאמֶר ה' סָלַחְתִּי כִּדְבָרֶךָ (במדבר יד, כ). Like the Torah, Yom Kippur was not a once-off gift, it was a perpetual gift to His chosen children.

 

The treasure that is Yom Kippur acknowledges that mankind is not perfect כִּי אָדָם אֵין צַדִּיק בָּאָרֶץ אֲשֶׁר יַעֲשֶׂה טּוֹב וְלֹא יֶחֱטָא (קהלת ז, כ). Despite that, it gives each and every one of us an opportunity to do a reset, to merit a new beginning, just like Am Yisrael experienced at Har Sinai, just like Adam HaRishon experienced when he first opened his eyes.

 

On Yom Kippur, each and every one of us can be reset to that same level of Adam Harishon and Chava before the sin, says the Ramchal. What greater joy is there than that?

 

Would you be elated if you were "beamed" (like in Star Trek) back in time to Matan Torah, to stand with the rest of Am Yisrael at the foot of Har Sinai? I don't know anyone who wouldn't give an arm and a leg to experience that. How many millions would you pay to be "beamed" back 5785 years (minus 6 days) to see with your own eyes what Adam saw when he first opened his eyes? 

How many people today are prepared to fork out millions of dollars to Elon Musk for the privilege to be rocketed into space? This is a trillion times better than Elon Musk and SpaceX and we can easily experience it on Yom Kippur (without selling everything we own).

 

All HKB"H asks from us is that on Yom Kippur we have הִרְהוּרֵי תְּשׁוּבָה.

 

The Gemara (Kiddushin 49b) says הַמְקַדֵּשׁ אֶת הָאִשָּׁה עַל מְנָת שֶׁאֲנִי צַדִּיק, אֲפִלּוּ אִם הוּא רָשָׁע גָּמוּר - מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת, חֲיָשִׁנַן שֶׁמָּא הִרְהֵר תְּשׁוּבָה. If a man and woman love each other and want to get married and the man places a תְּנַאי, a proviso on the marriage – that if he is a tzaddik then the marriage will take effect (even if right now he is a total rasha), then the woman is מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת. 

The תְּנַאי is valid, even if right now, the man is a convicted mass murderer and the furthest he can possibly be from a tzaddik, the marriage is a marriage and to dissolve it they need a גֵּט. Why, says the Gemara? שֶׁמָּא הִרְהֵר תְּשׁוּבָה – perhaps the man had a fleeting moment of regret for his sins and wanted to do teshuva. 

Even if it was a fleeting thought, a momentary awakening of something in his heart, but in fact – in reality later never came to pass … even so it is still a legal marriage.

 

This is HKB"H's minimum criteria for us on Yom Kippur, that we have a "fleeting" moment of regret and a will to be better people. That is all that is required and HKB"H will forgive us.

 

I don't know about you, but I think most of us are much further on from that minimum criterion. Most of us, who understand the concept of teshuva, are intensely preoccupied with teshuva, already now before Yom Kippur, during עֲשֶׂרֶת יְמֵי תְּשׁוּבָה. 

How much more so, on Yom Kippur itself, when we repeatedly go through the stages of teshuva – חֲרָטָה, וִידּוּי, קַבָּלָה בַּלֵּב. We do it 10 times during Yom Kippur, when we say אָשַׁמְנוּ, בָּגַדְנוּ. How much more so, עַל אַחַת כַּמָּה וְכַמָּה that HKB"H will give us that much sought after "reset" and give us a clean slate and a new beginning.

 

It will not cost you millions, all it requires is a fleeting moment of pure sincerity in your heart. That is sufficient. If you know (and only you can know) that you have had that moment, then you know that HKB"H will forgive you and then for you, Yom Kippur is a chag of rejoicing, of simcha.

 

I could never understand why, when we (Ashkenazim) say vidui (אָשַׁמְנוּ, בָּגַדְנוּ), we sing it – with an upbeat, happy melody. La la la la, אָשַׁמְנוּ, בָּגַדְנוּ, la la la la הֶעֱוִינוּ הִרְשָׁעְנוּ, and so on. How brazen can we be? La la la la I'm guilty, I have betrayed you, I have stolen from you, la la la la! I would always try to change the nigun a little to make it more sad, more somber, but I was totally missing the point.

 

You see there are two types of teshuva. There is תָּשׁוּב – to return to HKB"H out of יִרְאָה, out of fear of being punished. And then there is תְּשׁוּבָ-ה (with the number five, חָמֵשׁ/שָׂמֵחַ) – to return to HKB"H out of simcha and אַהֲבָה. If we do teshuva out of יִרְאָה, the teshuva works, but it is limited. Our sins are then considered as שְׁגָגוֹת, they are forgiven, but our criminal record will remain for all to see every time they search for our name online.

 

If, however, we do teshuva out of simcha and אַהֲבָה, not because we fear punishment, but because we love HKB"H and want a closer relationship with Him, then we will be forgiven, our slate wiped clean. When someone searches for our name online, all they will see are rosy, happy webpages. But it does not end there. ALL those previous sins that we did teshuva for will become זְכוּיוֹת.

 

La la la la אָשַׁמְנוּ – a thousand dollars just credited to my bank account, בָּגַדְנוּ – another thousand dollars just landed, la la la la ...  Twenty-four leshonot of vidui (with the Sefardim it is twenty-eight), repeated ten times during Yom Kippur, equals 240. 240 X one thousand dollars = $240,000. And each one is not a thousand dollars, it is a billion! One guaranteed extra zchut for Olam Habah – priceless. This is another reason why it pays to be Sefardi.

 

If we want to maximize the credits to our account, we have to understand what we are saying, why we are banging on our chests. How many just bang and not know what they are banging for? 

What is הֶעֱוִינוּ? What is תִּעְתַּעְנוּ? If you just bang and you don't understand what for, HKB"H will say, "What credit is he/she asking for, I don't understand!" and we will not get the full credit. I have included a list of the meanings of the vidui at the end of the shiur, to help understand what we are saying while we bang.

 

What is the greatest danger on Yom Kippur? It is that we will miss that fleeting moment of true, sincere הִרְהוּרֵי תְּשׁוּבָה. How can we miss it? If we try to be "cool".

 

As a young lad, I always wanted to be "cool". I was a full year younger than everyone else in my class at school and they were all so "cool". They had that "cool" walk, that "cool" way of speaking, that "cool" hairstyle. The harder I tried, the more "being cool" eluded me. This carried on into my young adult life, I was always trying to be part of the "cool school", with zero success. Only much later on in life did I in fact discover what "cool" really is.

 

The "cool" that most pervades in the world, what most people regard as "cool", is a bluff. It is a mask that a person puts on to portray an image to the outside world and cover up their shortcomings. There is a real, true "cool" and that is not trying to copy someone else's walk, talk – it is being totally YOU with no pretense. If you don't like who you are, then fix yourself by working on your midot. That is the only real "cool".

 

If someone approaches Yom Kippur and tries to be (the wrong kind of) "cool" - to put on a show for everyone else in shul, they are going to miss that moment.

 

On Yom Kippur HKB"H is alone with us. There are no other parties in the room, they are all on vacation and not interfering. The only kind of "cool" that HKB"H will tolerate is the real kind, where there is a moment of total truth between you and Him.

 

The climax of this intimacy is during תְּפִלַּת נְעִילָה. If Yom Kippur is compared to the renewal of our "marital vows" with HKB"H (HKB"H is the groom, we are the bride), then תְּפִלַּת נְעִילָה is equivalent to the חֶדֶר יִיחוּד. We are past the fanfare, the chuppah, the band playing אֲשֶׁר בָּרָא … Ahava ve'achva ve'shalom ve'reuuuuuUUT! The throngs coming to wish us mazal tov … 

It is now just HKB"H and us, in a moment of absolute truth, no way to hide anything from HKB"H. This is תְּפִלַּת נְעִילָה. What we do in this short hour will define what will happen to us in the next year, perhaps in the remainder of our lives.

 

HKB"H, the king, loves us, His children. He wants to forgive us. HKB"H strips away all the clutter, all the distractions and faces us in a moment of absolute truth, the closest proximity we will ever be able to achieve to HKB"H. We are at the furthest point from our human limitations, almost 24 hours since we last ate. We are the closest we will ever get to resembling the angels. 

HKB"H's presence, His Shechina is upon us. We are not wearing leather shoes, because we are standing on holy ground. HKB"H has tipped all the scales in our favor, against nature, against any human conception of justice … Because He wants to forgive us. All He asks for is one fleeting moment of true, sincere הִרְהוּר תְּשׁוּבָה.

 

If we can achieve that before תְּפִלַּת נְעִילָה, before Yom Kippur even, then Yom Kippur will be for us what it was intended to be – a day of the greatest simcha imaginable. If not, then תְּפִלַּת נְעִילָה is the last chance. HKB"H has opened his treasure chamber to us, allowing us to grab whatever we can carry. If we wait until the last minute, how much less will we be able to leave with than if we made an early start.

 

תְּפִלַּת נְעִילָה is the last part of Yom Kippur. In תְּפִלַּת נְעִילָה we switch from "וּכְתוֹב" to "וְחָתוֹם". What does it mean "וְחָתוֹם"? This answer I know very well, because I am a baker. Chazal in the Gemara call a baker a נַחְתּוֹם. What a strange term to use. Why not call a baker an אוֹפֶה? In fact, Chazal in their wisdom saw the essence of what a baker is (the English term "baker" also reflects Chazal's terminology). A baker is someone who "seals the deal".

 

There are many stages to making bread. You have to measure the ingredients. You have to mix them and knead the dough. You have to let the dough rise. You have to punch down the dough and shape it. You have to let it rise again and only, after all that … do you bake it. So why call a baker a "baker"? Why not call him a "kneader", or a "shaper"? The reason is because the final stage, that "seals the deal", is baking the bread in the oven. It is the culmination of the process.

 

If a baker made a mistake in the earlier stages, sometimes he can still correct the mistake (for example, if he forgot to add the yeast – which I have done many times). Sometimes, however, when you reach the final stage, if you messed up earlier and the dough has already risen (like forgetting to add the salt – which I have also done many times), there is no way to correct the error. 

You cannot, now at this late stage, mix the salt with the dough and then repeat all the previous stages, because the dough will have to rise again and it will become overly sour. In such a case, all you can do is toss the dough in the garbage and begin again from scratch (which I have also done many times). That is a human baker.

 

HKB"H is far better than a human baker, He is the ultimate Baker, the ultimate נַחְתּוֹם. When you reach the end stage with HKB"H, it doesn't matter how much you messed up beforehand, HKB"H has the ability to fix it regardless. This is what we are asking for in תְּפִלַּת נְעִילָה when we say - וַחֲתוֹם לְחַיִּים טוֹבִים כָּל בְּנֵי בְרִיתֶךָ. Regardless of how many times I messed up before HKB"H, I am relying on You to make it all right.

 

Few grasp the true essence of Yom Kippur, the gravity and the simcha of HKB"H's proximity.

 

After תְּפִלַּת נְעִילָה is finished, we all stand and declare ה' הוּא הָאֱ-לוֹקִים seven times, with fervor, united as one. This is actually the saddest part of Yom Kippur, because we are in fact taking leave of HKB"H as He ascends seven levels in Heaven, one by one, until He reaches Aravot and the כִּסֵּא הַכָּבוֹד. It is simcha mixed with sadness. 

On the one hand we, personally, have been washed clean of our sins, but on the other, we do not want the Shechina to depart, we want the Shechina to remain here amongst us, in the Beit HaMikdash. But that will only happen when all of Am Yisrael have that moment of truth with HKB"H and do teshuva, not just some of us.

 

We need to carry over our personal joy from Yom Kippur into the upcoming year and into the rest of Am Yisrael, so that we will merit the Shechina remaining down here with us and not having to part with HKB"H ever again, בבי"א.

 

 

Gmar Chatima Tova

 

Please Note: All the above refers to sins בֵּין אָדָם לַמָּקוֹם. For sins בֵּין אָדָם לַחֲבֵרוֹ, Yom Kippur does not atone. We must beg forgiveness and reconcile with those we have wronged (preferably before Yom Kippur).

 

Eliezer Meir Saidel

Machon Lechem Hapanim

www.machonlechemhapanim.org

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Here is an explanation of the vidui (source: Sefer Nefesh Mordechai) –

 

אָשַׁמְנוּ – We are guilty that we have not performed HKB"H's mitzvot

בָּגַדְנוּ – We betrayed HKB"H who is good to us by sinning and saddening Him

גָּזַלְנוּ – We have stolen from HKB"H thinking everything in the world is ours

דִּבַּרְנוּ דֹּפִי – We have spoken bad about others or used unclean language

הֶעֱוִינוּ – By our sins we have perverted the path of right, HKB"H's mitzvot

וְהִרְשַׁעְנוּ – We have done bad and evil deeds

זַדְנוּ – We have purposely sinned (זָדוֹן)

חָמַסְנוּ – We have stolen money from others

טָפַלְנוּ שֶׁקֶר – We have associated ourselves with sins, which are a lie

יָעַצְנוּ רָע – We have given people advice that is not good for them

כִּזַּבְנוּ – We have lied

לַצְנוּ – We have scoffed and been cynical, that prevents us from doing teshuva

מָרַדְנוּ – We have sinned out of spite, thus rebelling against HKB"H

נִאַצְנוּ – We have done sins that cause a chilul Hashem

סָרַרְנוּ – We have strayed from the way of the mitzvot, the right way

עָוִינוּ – We have purposely sinned to satisfy our desires (עֲווֹנוֹת)

פָּשַׁעְנוּ – We have done sins out of spite (פְּשָׁעִים)

צָרַרְנוּ – We have done sins that caused HKB"H anguish

קִשִּׁינוּ עֹרֶף – We have been stiff necked and refused to accept HKB"H's yolk

רָשַׁעְנוּ – We have done sins that classify us as רְשָׁעִים.

שִׁחַתְנוּ – We have perverted our ways with our sins

תִּעַבְנוּ – We have done obscene acts (תּוֹעֵבָה)

תָּעִינוּ – We have strayed from our path and followed a crooked path

תִּעְתָּעְנוּ – We have lied and cheated

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