What Really Was the Sin of Bilaam?

 

Bilaam said, “I've sinned.”

This world is not a world of accidents. Hakodosh Boruch Hu is in charge of every detail and the great men who thought constantly of Hashem immediately reacted to things that happened in their lives. The lesson did not go lost.

One of the sages was once climbing up a ladder and ishtamit karei, his foot slipped and he almost fell. He caught himself at the last second.

Doesn’t this happen to people? 

Is there a man who never slipped on steps and caught himself by the banister or regained his balance just in the nick of time to save himself from plunging down?

So maybe the pious ones among us express their gratitude. The best ones will say,

“Ah! Boruch Hashem that He saved me.”

But that's not enough! 

Listen to what this sage said. “Look,” he said, “If I had slipped a second earlier I would have fallen down. You know what that would have been? That’s sekilah!”

If you learned Mesichta Sanhedrin you know that first step in sekilah is throwing a man down from a high place to execute him.

“So why did this occur to me?” he said. “Maybe I’ve been sentenced to sekilah and a semblance of that sentence was carried out; only that I was rescued at the last moment.”

Hashta d’ichayav k’mechallel Shabbasos, I was sentenced like a man who is mechalel Shabbos. A mechalel Shabbos is put to death by sekilah. 

Uk’ovdei avodah zarah, or maybe for being oveid avodah zarah. An idol worshiper is also chayav sekilah. What did I do to deserve this? 

Was I mechalel Shabbos? 

Did I worship an idol?

So they told him it was because he had neglected to give charity. They had noticed that he hadn’t been giving enough tzedakah and the Sages say that not giving charity is like oveid avodah zarah. Being stingy when it comes to helping the needy is compared to idol worship. And if a person is negligent in giving money to a good place, sometimes Hashem might take action. At least He might warn you; next time you’re climbing the steps you’ll slip. That’s how the Sages lived their lives; they understood that Hashem was reacting to their behavior.

Now, for a person to live that way takes a lot of work. It’s an entirely new attitude that comes from being aware of Hashem, of remembering Hashem always. It’s not just a frumkeit. It’s an entirely new way of living.

We’re not talking now about believing in Hashem. Of course we all say “we believe in Hashem”and it's true

One morning, in the shtiebel of the Rebbe from Berditchiv, the Rebbe sent his gabbai up to the bimah during davening to make an important announcement. In the middle of davening the gabbai gives a klop on the bimah: “The Rebbe wants everyone to know that there is a Ribono Shel Olam!” In the middle of p’sukei d’zimrah! A special announcement: “Remember Hashem!” And so if you think about Hashem during davening, that’s already something.

Do you think about Hashem? Is He a reality in your life? That’s Hashem’s question: “Are you thinking about Me?”

in the Chovos Halevavos’s list of thirty things that a Jew must keep in his mind always (Shaar Cheshbon Hanefesh), the tenth on that list is that a man should consider how the Creator is looking at him always. He’s looking at your externality; He sees you on the outside. And He’s looking at your interiority; He sees you on the inside too.

And so we must keep in mind that Hakodosh Boruch Hu is imminent, He is present; He is aware and He is looking.

Once, Rav Yosef Zundel, the rebbe of Reb Yisroel Salanter, was seen in the beis hamedrash before davenen making naanunim with his lulav and esrog. Not because he was fulfilling the mitzvah now. He was just making naanuim.

“Why are you doing the naanuim now?” someone asked.

“I want to prepare,” Rav Yosef Zundel said. “I’m going to do it later and I want to prepare and make sure I do it correctly.”

Now he was not a young man anymore; he had done it many times already. But he knew that a mitzvah means Hashem is watching you do it. And so Rav Yosef Zundel was rehearsing before the davenen to make sure that every tenuah, every motion, should be made correctly and with dignity in front of the King; Hashem should see him and be pleased. That’s what a mitzvah means.

Source:  Toras Avigdor: (excerpts) Parshas Balak