Dear friends,
Do you like everyone? No one does; even if you wanted to, you don’t know anywhere near “everyone”, and having a relationship with someone you don’t know is mission impossible.
What about loving the Jewish people? That too is not a realistic expectation when you consider that you are talking about millions of people, living in every corner of the world, self-defined by myriad factors including family, culture, and observance. It’s not “realistic”, but it is completely possible.
How?
By recognizing that everything about your external reality is going to act as a barrier between you and people who are, “off the page” vis a vis your access to them. Internally whether you ever meet a particular Jew who lives in, say, Santiago, or not, there is a spiritual bond that goes way beyond anything your mind can absorb.
Your soul, however, is fully aware of this bond. The Talmud tells you rather cryptically that the souls of the Jewish people are “carved out of the Divine throne”. This is hard to wrap your mind around unless you have some idea of what the metaphor “Divine throne” means.
Hashem is often compared to a king who knows his people’s hearts and aspirations and makes laws for their benefit. Yes, this is an anthropomorphism (ain’t that a great word? It has 16 letters!), but we have no vocabulary to use to build a meaningful relationship with Hashem other than our human vocabulary.
A king doesn’t sit on his throne in the privacy of his chambers. When he receives his people, ranging from his advisors to the commoners who come to petition him, he will sit on his throne. The underlying message is “I am available to you, but I am your king.” The Jewish people intuitively know this. There is a whisper of emunah that all of us have in the merit of the forefathers.
This is what gives you something in common with the 85-year-old Russian grandmother who spent her early days as a firebrand, willing to die for communism, and a five-year-old cheder boy straight out of Meah Shearim. The great tzaddikim can find the soul root of every Jew he encounters. The rest of us have to do two things simultaneously. One is to bond, which draws you closer to everyone you meet, and the other is to validate differences that are inherent to the way we became a people.
The way to bond is through the three basic laws covered by the commandment “Love your friend as you love yourself.” Notice, I didn’t say ‘neighbor’, a word that is often used in the context of geography. I used the word ‘friend’, which is much closer to the word used in the text in Parshat Kedoshim – “rayacha”.
Here they are:
1 – Speak well of your fellow Jew. That means telling the good stories, the ones that move you, the ones that tell you something about the latent emunah and willingness to give it expression. Of course, you have to use your common sense and discretion (don’t praise a competing dentist who offers better rates than the one you are currently using). The effect of telling the good stories is that you come to notice the good, and to align yourself with it.
2 – Treat them with respect. Listen. Ask others for their opinions and if you disagree learn to do so in a way in which their dignity is still intact. Make eye contact. Notice preferences. Welcome them to your home in a way that tells them that they are important to you.
3 – Prevent them from suffering loss (when you see someone drop their phone, for instance, pick it up even if it is inconvenient at the time).
All of these laws have one underlying effect. They put you on the same team.
You also have to appreciate difference. Yaakov did. His primary attribute was truth. By definition, truth is the entire picture, and Yaakov learned to push aside emotional agendas and subjectivity through his commitment to living a sanctified life.
His twelve sons were born under different astral bodies and had hugely different mazal (the means through which the divine forces of Hashgachah flow down –the literal meaning of mazal is flow). The reason is that each of them was destined to chart his own course in discovering the inherent G-dliness inside him. The letters of Hashem’s holy Name can be arranged in 12 different ways, which tells you that there are 12 approaches to G-dliness.
You can discover yourself and the people you encounter and find an aspect of Hashem that you may not as yet have seen. You can make it your own so that your prayers will be joined with klal Yisrael’s needs and their inner beauty. The blessings are also prophecies for their futures.
Reuben – The one who was the fruit of Yaakov’s beginnings as a parent. He was compared to fast-flowing water – a source of nurture, but lacking in control.
Simeon – The most forceful and warlike of all of the tribes. His loyalty to Dina motivated him to take vengeance for her abduction on the city of Shechem. His ferocious anger can be a weapon that may lead to tragedy or conversely to defending those who need it
Levi – His capacity for loyalty was as strong as Shimon’s, but it was directed towards serving Hashem, his descendants, destined to be the teachers and scholars and servants of Hashem. He and Levi were separated in order to prevent them from joining together and misusing their loyalty and address it to the wrong causes.
Judah – The Leader who has not only the charisma to lead, but the humility and honesty to serve as an example.
Dan – The Judge who when seeing an injustice will respond with force.
Naphtali – The most enthusiastic and driven of all of the tribes.
Gad – The Warrior who in his future lived at the borders and defend the Jews against the constant incursions of their enemies.
Asher – Had the material prosperity to generously contribute to others and to the Bais HaMikdash.
Yissachar – whose love of learning was and will be his very life.
Zevulun – Engaged in business with great success. Rather than spending his fortune on transient possessions or pleasures, he supported Yissachar and shared his spiritual reward in both worlds.
Yosef – Was the crown of the family who overcame temptation when he had to deal eith Potiphar’s wife’s ceaseless efforts to seduce him. He also maintained faith in Hashem in the course of his unjust imprisonment. He dealt with his brothers, who were jealous of his inherent superiority which led to his enslavement, with compassion and sustained them when a famine left them destitute rather than taking revenge.
Menashe – The one who gave Yosef the courage to begin.
Ephraim – Transformation and moving into a leadership role
Benjamin – Who can maintain silence when that is what is needed, but who can aggressively fight off genuine enemies when the situation demands that of him.
Don’t demand that other people convert into copies of you. The shortest way to validation is seeing yourself in the mirror when you engage with another person.
You can do better. Let the differences broaden you, and open doors that would remain closed.
Love,
Tziporah
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