continued from Creation I
A convenient truth is usually a lie.
ONCE I was on my way to a friend’s wedding somewhere in Jerusalem, with my family. It is normally a 20-minute drive from where I live (just outside Jerusalem). That day, at 5 pm, it was particularly backed up, so I decided on an alternative route to get onto the highway.
That meant going in the opposite direction on the highway for about a minute, exiting, and then getting back on the highway in the right direction. But at the moment I was supposed to get into the right lane for a quick exit, my son asked me to change the CD, and as I did I missed the exit.
That was a problem. The next exit was much further away in the wrong direction, and getting back on the highway in the right direction was even harder. But I had no choice, so I continued going farther away from my destination, which began to distress me.
That was not the end of it though. Once off the highway and traveling down the road I had to take to turn around, I did not recognize exist and missed that too. It felt as if something was taking me further away from my destination against my will, and it was very disconcerting. I was clearly upset, and everyone in the car knew to stay quiet at that point. I had already blamed the CD fiasco for the original mistake.
I finally found a side street to turn left on in order to turn the car around. It was a single-lane road with no traffic, probably a service road to some businesses that were closed at the time. After making the left, I went a little further down the road before making a U-turn to get back onto the road that would eventually lead me back to the highway. I was starting to think about going back home instead, no longer in the mood for a wedding.
After my U-turn I made a right back onto the road to the highway, going in the right direction, so to speak, for the first time that night. But my relief was short-lived because within moments, there was a flashing light behind me telling me to pull over. It was a white unmarked police car that I had not noticed until then. What had I done wrong, besides leaving for the wedding in the first place?
It turned out that I had made my U-turn too early and had crossed a solid white line that I had even known was there. That was a 500 shekel ticket and points. Bad had gotten worse, which had become even worse. Someone was out to get me.
Not only was I apologetic, but I even told the policeman the entire story, though I don’t know why. His shoulder was not one to cry on. Nevertheless, my demeanor seemed to draw out some mercy, because he forgave me the points and halved the fine. But it was still a ridiculous 250 shekels I shouldn’t have had to pay, had I simply had a normal drive. Talk about long short cuts.
Twenty years later I have not forgotten what the policeman told me as he gave me my ticket. He said, “I never sit there, and wondered what I would catch at that location. Then you came along.” Talk about salt in a wound, and popping a balloon. Needless to say, by the time we got back onto the highway in the right direction we had all decided to go back home instead. We made a barbecue to turn “lemons into lemonade,” but I have to say that I had never experienced such a fiasco before that night, nor since, and hopefully, will never again, b”H.
Why have I told you this story? Because it reminds me, believe it or not, about mankind and Creation. We started off in the right direction, but took a shortcut by prematurely eating from the forbidden fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. We were expelled from Paradise to right the wrong, but have been driving in the opposite direction ever since. The difference is that I knew I was going in the wrong direction, and it distressed me. Most of mankind thinks it’s on track and is having the time of its life. That makes turning around a lot more difficult.
But another major difference is that I could only get back on track once I finally turned my car around. With Creation, it is always going where it has to go even when it seems to be going in the opposite direction because G–D is really the One driving. We can’t always see that now, but one day it will become clear to all, and it will amaze us to no end.
But that does not mean that people who seem to misdirect mankind are not accountable for doing so, and that the people who try to get history back on Torah course do not get rewarded for trying. As G–D told Moshe Rabbeinu who asked, “How is it possible for a human being to erect it [the Mishkan]?”
“You work with your hand.” (Rashi, Shemos 39:33)
In other words, Moshe appeared to be the one erecting the Mishkan, but in actuality, it arose as a result of a miracle, as it says: “the Mishkan was set up” (Shemos 40:17). Likewise, we have to respond to history as it appears to us, and leave the actual driving of it to G–D.
DURING MY excursion mentioned above, I had a difficult time remaining calm. First of all, we kept going in the wrong direction with few chances to course-correct. Secondly, we were on a schedule, and that was getting smashed to pieces each minute we drove in the opposite direction of our destination. The plan had been to stop by the wedding for a bit, and then continue on to my brother-in-law’s for a family barbecue, which was even further in the other direction.
Getting caught and ticketed by the police for such a ridiculous violation (the solid line was too long for such a side street) just made the whole event seem like a big waste of time. And by the time we finally got back onto the highway in the right direction, the traffic was so far backed up still that we would have been way too late for the chupah that we had planned to attend. I have lost my cool over far less aggravating situations.
But there was a nagging voice the whole time, and it just kept getting louder every time the situation seemed to get worse for no reason known to me. “It’s min HaShamayim—it’s from Heaven.” The whole thing was hashgochah pratis—divine providence. It was no accident, but G–D deliberately doing all of it to me.
When it was all said and done, and we had returned home and made our own barbecue, I had finally calmed down enough to reflect on what had happened. All the anger was gone. All the distress had ended. I was even moving on past my 250 shekel fine. The only thing left bugging me was how I had acted contrary to my supposed belief in ain od Milvado. At that time, it no longer felt like I was the victim of some cruel force, but tested by G–D in my belief that He runs the world, all of it.
I don’t know how G–D graded me, but I gave myself an F, and hoped that somehow, I wouldn’t have to repeat the “course.” I also hope that even if I did fail that test, somehow it has since helped me pass others like it. Clearly, I had not been prepared for such a test (who ever is?), and that was my mistake. As I learned that day, such preparation does not occur at the moment of crisis, but during the quiet times when we have the presence of minad to integrate the idea that there really is none other than G–D.
Thirtysix.org Online Bookstore Link: https://thirtysix.org/shop/. To order directly from Amazon just search for books by Pinchas Winston.
No comments:
Post a Comment