Over the last few weeks I have recounted some personal mistakes and mentioned how I needed to do teshuva. Each time I wrote about this, some readers and viewers questioned whether it was correct to acknowledge my inadequacies in public.
Here is my response. My entire life has really been a continuous spiritual self-examination. As you know, I grew up in a world of darkness in which I did not know Hashem. Even at the age of seven or eight I was aware of the terrible void I was living in. I had to get out but I didn’t know how.
My mother's “Salanter neshoma” influenced me. She was a spiritual searcher who was also aware of her inadequacies. I seem to have inherited her sensitivity. When I met my wife, we began to search together. And then we met Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis, who opened the Gates to Torah.
There is something about a Jew which pulls us inexorably toward Hashem. In our deepest neshoma, we know that He is there. Many of our brethren resist this pull and become enemies of their own happiness and enemies of Truth. But there is a worldwide movement among Am Yisroel to return to Hashem, and this is powerfully described in a passage we recently read in the Torah:
“It will be that, when these things come upon you – the blessing and the curse – then you will take it to your heart among all the nations where Hashem, you G-d, has dispersed you and you will return to Hashem … and listen to His voice …. Then [He] will bring back your captivity and have mercy upon you, and He will gather you in from all the peoples to which [He] has scattered you…. [He] will bring you to the Land that your forefathers possessed and you shall possess it! He will do good to you and make you more numerous than your forefathers. [He] will circumcise your heart and the heart of your offspring…. that you may live….” (Dvarim 30:1ff)
Hashem has implanted within us a great love for Him which enables us to confront our own inadequacies and overcome our Yetzer ha Ra. It is this which allows us to see and correct our own inadequacies. And we have a National Holy Day which focuses precisely on this entire process: It is called Yom Kippur! On this day we acknowledge that it is totally impossible to hide the Truth!
Look at our great ancestors! Look at Yehuda ben Yaakov Avinu, who was not afraid to be embarrassed in public regarding the incident with Tamar! This is the madreiga of malchus, attainable by a person who values truth above all else, even to the extent of embarrassing himself in public!
Look at Dovid ha Melech, who took upon himself the entire responsibility for the incident with Batsheva (even though Chazal clearly state that Dovid was not a sinner). Dovid is our eternal king, who was not afraid of the truth even at the cost of public embarrassment.
Look at Tefilla Zakkah, which we say before Yom Kippur, the personal revelation of a tzaddik who lays bare the inside of his soul and admits to thoughts which would hopelessly embarrass anyone who is not totally committed to cleansing his soul.
A few weeks ago, I attended a wedding at which I was called upon to make a bracha under the chuppah. But I stumbled over some of the words and was embarrassed. A little later, at the same wedding, someone I knew well greeted me with open arms, but I could not remember his name. When I asked someone who it was, he was a bit surprised because the man I could not recognize was a close relative whom I knew very well.
My mind had gone blank – in public -- twice within a few minutes!
I began to think: what had I done to cause this double embarrassment? Then I remembered that I had become angry with a close relative just before the wedding. Hashem had punished me publicly with a slap on each side of my face!
My friends, we cannot get away with anything! No improper behavior can ever be hidden!
A great doctor once told me, “Pain is your friend.” Pain comes to tell you that you are sick, so that you can heal yourself. Yom Kippur is a gift which was given to Am Yisroel by the Master of the Universe. Through the power of our willingness to acknowledge our sins and shortcomings we can find our way back to our Father and King!
“In the evening one lies down weeping, but with dawn a cry of joy.” (Tehillim 30)
May we merit to cleanse our souls so that we may all be sealed in the Book of Life!
GLOSSARY
Am Yisroel: the Jewish People
Chuppah: canopy under which a groom and bride are married
Madreiga: spiritual level
Malchus: kingship
Neshoma: Jewish soul
Salanter: The Family of Rabbi Yisroel Salant
Tzaddik: holy person
Yetzer ha ra: the Evil Inclination
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