HaRav Zilberstein Responds: “Who Should Watch The Children During Rosh Hashana Davening?”
In recent days, a chizuk gathering was held in the Ramat Elchanan neighborhood of Bnei Brak for hundreds of wives of local avreichim ahead of the upcoming Yamim Noraim.
At the center of the event, a special shailos u’teshuvos was screened with the Rav of Ramat Elchanan, the renowned posek HaGaon HaRav Yitzchak Zilberstein, with the questions presented by his grandson, Reb Chaim Malin.
The full Shailos U’Teshuvos, as transcribed by Kikar H’Shabbat:
Shailah: What kabbalah should one make ahead of Rosh Hashanah? There are so many areas — Shabbos, tznius, lashon hara, limmud Torah, helping one’s husband. What is the most important thing? One cannot take on everything at once. What is one thing the women can accept that will stand in their zechus on the Yom HaDin?
HaRav Zilberstein responded by singing: “‘Ki eshmerah Shabbos, Kel yishmereini, os hi l’olmei ad beino uveini’ — ‘If I observe Shabbos, Hashem will protect me; it is an eternal sign between Him and me.’ Who composed this song? The Ibn Ezra. And what does the Rambam write about him in his letters? ‘The chacham Rebi Avraham Ibn Ezra, zt”l, revealed deep and tremendous secrets that only someone of his stature can understand, etc., for he was like Avraham Avinu.”
“The Rambam tells us that the Ibn Ezra was like the neshama and ruach of Avraham Avinu, and this great Ibn Ezra testifies here: ‘If I observe Shabbos, Hashem will protect me.’ Someone who observes Shabbos has special protection from HaKadosh Baruch Hu. So the best thing there is, what I know with absolute certainty, is Shemiras Shabbos.”
“Do not speak idle words on Shabbos!”
Shailah: So what does Saba suggest that these women be mechazeik in, halacha l’maaseh? What specific point should they take upon themselves?
HaRav Zilberstein: “Be mechazeik in Shemiras Shabbos by not speaking a single idle word, only telling beautiful stories and stories from Tanach, only matters of yiras Shamayim.”
Shailah: How can one bring the atmosphere of the Yamim Noraim into the home? Today, the outside world draws people in, and it is sometimes difficult to concentrate and think about the fact that the din is approaching. How can a Jewish mother bring this simple concept into her home — that there is a din and we are about to stand trial?
HaRav Zilberstein: “A woman should tell her children: ‘Today, today is the birthday of the world. Elul! Oy, Ani l’dodi v’dodi li, haro’eh bashoshanim — I am my Beloved’s and my Beloved is mine, He Who shepherds among the roses.’ What a magnificent expression: ‘I am my Beloved’s.’ And who is my Beloved? HaKadosh Baruch Hu. ‘And my Beloved is mine, He Who shepherds among the roses.’ We must instill this in the hearts of all the children in the neighborhood. I am my Beloved’s and my Beloved is mine. I belong to Hashem and Hashem belongs to me, He Who shepherds among the roses.
“What does ‘He Who shepherds among the roses’ mean? He shepherds them among roses, and that’s why the flock does not run away from Him. Some shepherds beat their sheep so they won’t run away. They stay because they’re afraid. But HaKadosh Baruch Hu shepherds us among roses. He gives us the beautiful fragrance of Torah and mitzvos, and therefore we don’t leave Him because of our great love and attraction. This must be explained to the children at home.”
Shailah: How can a woman who works to support her family be mechazeik herself? Some women work very hard, such as in programming, and barely have time to breathe between all their responsibilities at home. How can they be mechazeik themselves? As girls, they had chizzuk talks in school and learned some mussar. Today, they barely have time to breathe. They’re occupied with the home, which is a great mitzvah, since the entire household depends on her. But how can women who have almost no time be mechazeik themselves ahead of Rosh Hashanah?
HaRav Zilberstein: “The husband should come home with a new story of chizuk every day, and then tell it to his wife. It is the husband’s responsibility to be mechazeik his wife. Is she hefker here?! He married a woman, and he must care for her. How should he care for her? Every day when he comes home, he should bring a story from Tanach or something he heard in kollel and be mechazeik her.
Shailah: Who should watch the children during davening — the mother or the daughter? The husband is at davening, but there is an older daughter, age 15 or 16, and they are unsure who should go to davening. The mother says, ‘I can ask my daughter, and she’ll listen to me.’ The question is whether I should stay home with the children and let my daughter go to davening, or whether I should ask my daughter to watch them and go to davening myself.
HaRav Zilberstein: “They should split it. In other words, for half of the tefillos, the mother should watch the children, and for the other half, the daughter should watch them.”
Shailah: In conclusion, the women would like to hear words of bracha and chizzuk.
HaRav Zilberstein: “Tell the women this: If the husband is Jewish and the wife is not Jewish, the children are not Jewish. But if the wife is Jewish and the husband is an Arab — ya Ahmed, majnun — the children are Jews. That means that our koach lies with the woman, not the man. If the woman decides something, it is kodesh kodeshim. She’s the ba’alas habayis; she determines matters.
“No one knows this. Ignorant people think that these religious people discriminate against women. What nonsense. The woman is the one who determines. If she is Jewish, the children are Jewish, and only the woman, not anyone else. This is the greatest chizuk: that Jewish women should know their exalted status.”
(YWN Israel Desk—Jerusalem)
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