The Segulah of Marriage

There were no greater festivals for Israel than the 15th of Av and Yom Kippur. On these days the daughters of Jerusalem would go out... and dance in the vineyards. And what would they say? "Young man, raise your eyes and see which you select for yourself...."

(Talmud, Taanit 26b)

After relating how "the daughters of Jerusalem would go out... and dance in the vineyards" and "whoever did not have a wife would go there" to find himself a bride, the Talmud goes on to describe three different categories of "daughters" and how each would call out to her perspective bridegroom:

What would the beautiful ones among them say?

"Look for beauty, for a woman is for beauty."

What would those of prestigious lineage say?

"Look for family, for a woman is for children."

What would the ugly ones say?

"Make your acquisition for the sake of Heaven,

as long as you decorate us with jewels"

(Talmud, Taanit 31a).

Fast Forward : The Commitment

The institution of marriage is comprised of two integral elements: commitment and love. Beneath the chupah (Bridal Canopy), the bride and groom pledge to remain

faithful and loyal to each other; committing their all to bringing happiness and stability to their relationship. While the shared commitment constitutes the foundation of the relationship, it is the passion, love and feelings for each other which bring color and life to the relationship, and makes marriage so attractive. It is this latter element that causes bachelors to surrender their "freedoms," and bachelorettes to put up with a member of the remote-control-hogging, sensitivity-challenged gender. [Rabbi Naftali Silberberg, Committing to Love]

Finding your Soulmate

"The process whereby a man and woman meet, become acquainted with each other and decide whether they are suitable for each other, is not only common sense -- it's actually mandated by Jewish law.

The Talmud stipulates that it is forbidden for a man to marry a woman until he meets her and she finds favor in his eyes, and a woman is not to be married until she is mature enough to make an intelligent decision with regard to her proposed husband. The prospective bride and groom must meet beforehand and both must be fully comfortable with each other and must give their full consent to the match."

"The focus of a date is to determine whether this person one is seeing has the qualities and values which will allow the two of them to live together harmoniously and happily for the rest of their lives. Hence, successful dating is an art; it requires the mind to take control of a domain which traditionally and instinctively belongs to the heart." Dating the Jewish Way

Revelations About Marriage

"A Time of Finding" refers to the wife who is "Found" through Prayer:

The wife is an integral part of a man. Therefore, until he finds his mate, she is regarded as a "lost item," as indicated by the verse, "He who finds a wife finds good" (Mishlei 18:22)

In order to find this lost item, a man must pray. It is written, "For this ("zot" in Hebrew = "her"), every zealous man must pray to You for a time of finding" (Tehillim 32:6), on which the Sages say, "A Time of Finding" means, "a Wife."

"Finding" the right woman requires "prayer" on the part of the man, who is like one seeking a lost part of himself. [from Revelations About Marriage by M. Glazerson, p. 135]

40 Days of Prayers for You at the Kotel

The Two Trees in the Garden of Eden

The fact that a good marriage is dependent on the abandonment of egocentricity is alluded to in the passage immediately preceding the description of the creation of woman (Genesis 2:9,16-18):

And G-d made grow out of the ground

every tree pleasant to sight and good to eat,

and the tree of life in the midst of the garden,

and the tree of knowledge of good and evil….

And G-d commanded Adam, saying:

You may eat from all the trees of the garden,

But do not eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil,

for on the day on which you eat of it you shall surely die.

And G-d said: It is not good for man to be alone;

I shall make him a helpmate.

[...] In Kabbalah and Chassidut, it is explained that good tainted by selfishness is represented by the tree of knowledge of good and evil, while true, unadulterated good is represented by the tree of life. By commanding Adam not to eat the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, G-d was warning him not to mix good and evil by choosing the path of self-centeredness and self-orientation.

[...] The two states of consciousness symbolized by the two trees are primarily expressed in the way man relates to woman. In forbidding Adam to eat the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, G-d was teaching him how to relate to his soon-to-be-created wife: "Do not mix egocentric lust and desire for self-gratification with the experience of true, unadulterated good." The Two Trees in the Garden of Eden by HaRav Yitzchak Ginsburgh

Illuminated ketubah from Isfahan, Persia, with a traditional shiviti graphic at the top.

Large, richly colored ketubah (marriage contract), decorated with birds, two lions with rising suns, and floral motifs. The groom was Menasheh ben Rahamim, and the bride was Leah bat Yaakov. The combination of a ketubah that also serves as a shiviti tablet is quite unusual. 5639 [1878]

Beautiful Ketubot can be seen at the Judaica Collection