Rebbetzen Tziporah: The Last Stop

Dear friends,

They say that all beginnings are hard, which implies that ends are easy. Travelling with my dear husband certainly is a change from the mode that I used for the vast majority of my travel experience. I am now in the waiting area of my flight from the States to Heathrow. I am over an hour early. No running down the unending carpeted corridors breathing hard and hoping against hope that Things Will Work Out Again, Like Last Time.

The most interesting adventure (and one that is more or less relevant to Elul) took place years ago. It was a Friday. My plane arrived too late (according to the flight attendant) for me to make the connecting flight to LA. I was in Dallas, where the airport is the size of a small emirate and just as Byzantine. I had realized my prediction while still on the plane, and at that point I began to speak to the world’s Master. “I don’t know if You want me to be here for Shabbos. I don’t know anyone here, but if You want me to be here there must be a reason, and I accept your decision. The people in LA who put together the Shabbaton worked hard, and I know that if somehow You want me to be there, You can do it.”

When I got off, I asked the woman behind the desk if the flight to LA had left. She told me it had not, but there is no chance that I would make it. I would have to take an internal train to the correct area and gate. I decided to try, and grabbed my wheelie and headed towards the track. In those ancient times, the trains had humans running the show.  As soon as I got on, I asked the man if there was a chance that I could make a flight that is scheduled to leave in 5 minutes. “Not a chance” he replied. I was still running on the fuel that I had taken in on the plane, and I told him, “It is in G‑d’s hands.” He pressed his button. “You are so right, sister, it all depends on the L‑rd”. We edged each other on as the other passengers became more and more wary. When my stop arrived, I ran, and as you may have figured out, I made my flight.

Elul is the last stop. As it says in Koheles, in the end all of our illusions evaporate. You are headed towards the place that Hashem has in store for you, navigated by your own authorship. Nothing is forgotten.

Not one good deed.

Not one moment in which you forced yourself to experience guilt or shame. Both emotions tell you that you believe in yourself enough to have expectations.

Not one failure to live up to your resolutions, but still tried again. And again.

They are all there, changing your inner reality.

This is always true, but in Elul there is an added component. He is committed to giving you the help you need to move beyond the limitations you created. The one thing that you have to keep in mind is that it is up to you to make the decision to want to be closer to your original self. The word teshuvah literally means return, not repentance. You are, like all of us, descendants of Adam, who was given a breath of Hashem’s being as a soul.

One of the parshios that are read before Elul is Re’eh. It tells you that you should look at the act that Hashem gave you blessings and curses and wants you to choose blessings. The implication of that statement is both the blessings, and the curses have one source, Hashem. You can draw close to Him by relating to His unending goodness and its mirror within you that generates your desire to do good. You can also find Him by letting yourself decide to move beyond the curses, the limitations and self-destructive choices that we all sometimes make.

The famous acronym, I am for my Beloved and my Beloved is for me, אני לדודי ודודי לי is the most beautiful niggun. It plays inside you if and when you want to hear it.

Ketiva vechatimah tovah,

Love,

Tziporah