וַיִּהְיוּ חַיֵּי שָׂרָה מֵאָה שָׁנָה וְעֶשְׂרִים שָׁנָה וְשֶׁבַע שָׁנִים שְׁנֵי חַיֵּי שָׂרָה (בראשית כג, א).
The last few weeks have been a tumultuous rollercoaster for all the families of the hostages who were murdered by Hamas, as their bodies have been returning טִפִּין טִפִּין and not all at once as agreed upon in Trump's 20-point plan. It is impossible to imagine what מַסֶּכֶת יִסּוּרִים these families have been subjected to in order to finally achieve closure. This, however, is not the subject of this week's shiur. This week I would like to explore the iconic figure that was Sarah Imeinu.
In last week's shiur we cited the passuk אֵלֶּה תוֹלְדוֹת הַשָּׁמַיִם וְהָאָרֶץ בְּהִבָּרְאָם וכו' (בראשית ב, ד), which the Midrash (תנחומא הקדום, בראשית טז) explains as "The reason the world was created was for אַבְרָהָם" - if you rearrange the letters of the word הִבָּרְאָם. Chazal tell us that HKB"H originally intended to create Avraham Avinu as Adam HaRishon, but in the end He did not, because if Avraham was born as Adam HaRishon and if he would have sinned, there would have been nobody afterwards to do tikkun.
The Mishna (אבות ה, ב) tells us that there were 10 generations from Adam to Noach and then 10 generations from Noach to Avraham. If you read the parshiyot in the Torah that detail the lives of Avraham and Sarah ([end of] Noach, Lech Lecha, Vayeira, Chayei Sarah), you cannot help but notice one thing – most of the "story" is about Avraham and only "snippets" are about Sarah.
If you think that this is just the impression one gets but is not entirely true, a scientific statistical analysis will prove otherwise. If you search the entire Tanach (I did – with the help of a computer) for the words Avram/Avraham, there are 241 mentions of Avraham. If you search the entire Tanach for the words Sarai/Sarah, you will only find 47. Notice a pattern here?
It seems as if the "narrative" in the Torah focuses on the males and not the females, not just with Avraham/Sarah, but throughout the Torah and continuing in the Tanach. The fact that the female figures are "downplayed" is inescapable. What does this mean? Does it mean that the males are the "ikar" and the females are just "secondary" in HKB"H's creation? Obviously, we know that it doesn't. So, why the seeming "bias"?
To understand what is going on here, we need to go back to the 6th day of Creation when HKB"H first created Adam HaRishon. The Midrash (בראשית רבה, פרשה ח', פסקה א) says that HKB"H originally created Adam as an integral, hermaphrodite organism with two faces, joined at the rib, back-to-back. Following that, HKB"H paraded all the other animals in front of Adam and asked him to name them.
While naming all the animals, Adam could not help but notice that for each species of animal, there were two distinct, separate creatures, one male and one female (בראשית ב, כ). Rashi (ibid.) says that Adam asked HKB"H "Why do I also not have an עֵזֶר כְּנֶגְדִּי?" Immediately following that HKB"H put Adam to sleep and separated Adam into two halves, from the point of connection (i.e. one of the back ribs). From the original single, "connected organism" that was Adam HaRishon, you now have two separate "halves".
At this point the two "halves" were named Adam and Chaya (not Chava - Kli Yakar, בראשית ג, כ). HKB"H brought Chaya to Adam. The Gemara (Brachot 61a) describes it as a "chuppah", that HKB"H, as a gift to Adam, braided Chaya's hair and led her up to the chuppah, kiveyachol, like the שׁוֹשְׁבִין (this Gemara is the source of having a "best man" at a wedding).
Adam, overjoyed that at last he had a "mate" like all the other animals (he saw Chaya's face for the first time – until then the two halves were back-to-back), named his half אִישׁ (man/husband) and his separated half אִשָּׁה (woman/wife). The Torah continues "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and they will be of one flesh, וְהָיוּ לְבָשָׂר אֶחָד".
Although they were separated at the time of Creation, when a man marries a woman, they are essentially "reunited" again as two halves of the same organism, as they were in Gan Eden before they were separated. The Mefarshim (פרדס רימונים יח, ו; מגלה עמוקות איוב, ז) refer to someone who is not married as פַּלְגָּא דְּגוּפָא – "half a body".
The question is why did Adam feel the need to be separated into two halves? Originally HKB"H didn't create humans that way, only when Adam asked, did He separate us into two halves. The passuk says וּלְאָדָם לֹא מָצָא עֵזֶר כְּנֶגְדּוֹ (בראשית ב, כ), that Adam felt there was something "lacking" in the configuration where the two halves were all part of one, integral organism.
The thing that was lacking for him was an עֵזֶר כְּנֶגְדּוֹ. What is an עֵזֶר כְּנֶגְדּוֹ? Onkelos translates it as סְמָךְ כְּקִבְלֵיהּ – a "parallel support", from the root of the words לִסְמֹךְ and מַקְבִּיל. From the pshat of this translation, it seems that what Adam was lacking was a "mate" of parallel/equal status to "support" him in case he "fell down".
This is the same perush in the Gemara (Yevamot 63a) in explaining the term עֵזֶר כְּנֶגְדּוֹ - זָכָה "עוֹזַרְתּוֹ", לֹא זָכָה "כְּנֶגְדּוֹ". Adam felt the need for a "counterbalance" to himself, to realign him when he lost balance. There are many deeper, Kabbalistic interpretations of this relating to the Sefirot of Gevura and Chessed, etc., but I prefer to remain on the pshat level.
The fact that Adam named the male half אִישׁ and the female half אִשָּׁה is obviously not incidental (Adam's names for all the creatures embodied their essence). The only letters differentiating their names are י-ה. Without the י and the ה all that remains is אש. This is what R' Akiva says in the Gemara (Sota 17a) אִישׁ וְאִשָּׁה זָכוּ - שְׁכִינָה בְּנֵיהֶם, לֹא זָכוּ - אֵשׁ אוֹכַלְתָּן.
We can read this in two ways.
The first is "If a husband and a wife are worthy - the Shechina dwells among them, if they are not worthy – they are consumed by fire". This interpretation bases the match on "luck" (they either win or lose - like winning the lottery). This way of understanding seems to say that the success or failure of a marriage is dependent on the initial choice of your spouse, the baseline statistics of the couple. Choose wisely – you win, choose badly, you lose.
The second way to read it is the other way round "If a husband and wife have the Shechina among them - they merit (shalom bayit/olam habah etc.), if fire consumes them - they do not merit". This interpretation bases the match not on "luck" and starting statistics but on "behavior", i.e that the success or failure of the marriage depends not necessarily on their baseline stats at the wedding, but rather on their behavior during the marriage.
The correct way of reading it is a combination of the two. It is important to be careful in choosing a spouse – to focus on the עִקַּר and not on the טָפֵל (a large portion of our parsha is devoted to this specific topic – choosing a wife for Yitzchak). It is equally important to grow in a marriage, not to remain static throughout the marriage only with the baseline statistics from when you got married, but to continually evolve together and build each other.
Adam, the אִישׁ and Chaya, the אִשָּׁה had good baseline stats, they were both created by HKB"H Himself, יְצִירֵי כַּפָּיו mamash. That is a good start, but it is not a guarantee of a good end. To have a good end, the marriage needs to evolve and continually place the focus of the marriage on the Shechina and not on each half's private "fire".
We discussed in last week's shiur about the first mitzva in the Torah, HKB"H commanded Adam and Chaya - פְּרוּ וּרְבוּ. We also discussed possible reasons why this commandment was not diligently performed. It was at this point that the marriage began to break down.
Chaya saw that things were not progressing swiftly enough (it was not for lack of trying – Chazal say that the נָחָשׁ became involved in the first place because he saw Adam and Chaya together and he was envious) and she decided to take things into her own hands, according to the Zohar (חלק א, לו, א) by giving Adam wine to drink. This was the opening that the נָחָשׁ needed, with Adam out of the way (sleeping).
In a successful marriage, the Shechina has to be the focus. Despite her good intentions, Chaya should have instead discussed things with Adam first and try to resolve it. She should have discussed with HKB"H Himself - the Shechina was ever-present in the Gan. Why take unanimous action? מַרְבֶּה עֵצָה מַרְבֶּה תְבוּנָה, as it says in the Mishna.
By going off on her own individual tangent ("fire"), Chaya was relying on כֹּחִי וְעֹצֶם יָדִי to solve the problem – the essence of the sin with the עֵץ הַדַּעַת centered around כֹּחִי וְעֹצֶם יָדִי. This was the beginning of the breakdown and from there on in it was a slippery slope. The נָחָשׁ managed to dupe Chaya and cause her to sin. She then, out of jealousy, caused Adam to sin. In the end everyone blamed everyone else. This is a dysfunctional marriage.
After they were kicked out of Gan Eden, Adam changed his wife's name from Chaya to Chava (Kli Yakar, ibid.). What is the difference between חַיָּה and חַוָּה? The Alsheich (ibid.) gives a mystical explanation that by sinning she caused mankind to become mortal, i.e. to return to the four elements of nature (earth, wind, fire and water), she thereby diminished the letter "yud" by four, changing it into a "vav". Also, (not the Alsheich) the word חַוָּה means a "farm" (with all kinds of animals – no longer the prior elevated status of man).
Avraham and Sarah were the tikkun for Adam and Chava. The gematria of אַבְרָהָם שָׂרָה is 753 and the gematria of אָדָם הָרִאשׁוֹן חַוָּה is 626. The "difference" between them is 127 - וַיִּהְיוּ חַיֵּי שָׂרָה מֵאָה שָׁנָה וְעֶשְׂרִים שָׁנָה וְשֶׁבַע שָׁנִים. In her 127 years of life Sarah managed to do tikkun for Chava.
Let us contrast the story of Adam and Chava with that of Avraham and Sarah. We said previously that in the story of Avraham and Sarah - Avraham's name is mentioned 241 times and Sarah's name 47 times. In the story of Adam and Chava (while still in Gan Eden, after HKB"H separated Chaya from his rib and they were two distinct people), Adam's name is mentioned 10 times. Chava's name (in various forms אִשָּׁה, אִשְׁתּוֹ, הָאִשָּׁה, חַוָּה) is mentioned 18 times. Notice the difference?
When Chava was in the forefront, in the spotlight, ahead of Adam, that is when troubles began to happen. Contrast this with Avraham and Sarah. Avraham is in the forefront, in the spotlight - 241 times his name is mentioned. Sarah is in the background אַיֵּה שָׂרָה אִשְׁתֶּךָ וַיֹּאמֶר הִנֵּה בָאֹהֶל (בראשית יח, ט), her name is mentioned only 47 times.
Does this mean that Sarah was any less active, participant or influential than Avraham? Not at all. Avraham was simply more connected to the חִיצוֹנִיּוֹת, the physical world אַב הֲמוֹן גּוֹיִם - digging wells, going in search of guests, waging war against the 4 kings, rescuing Lot, etc. Sarah was more connected to the spiritual world, the פְּנִימִיּוּת – teaching the women Torah, preserving the sanctity of her tent (home).
The Shechina was ever-present over Sarah's tent, the candle burnt from one Shabbat to the next, there was a blessing in the dough (she did hafrashat challah). Sarah was more conscious of the undertones in her household, with Hagar and Yishmael – than Avraham. The Midrash (שמות רבה, א, א) says that Sarah's powers of prophecy were greater than Avraham's.
The reason Avraham became wealthy was because of Sarah וּלְאַבְרָם הֵיטִיב בַּעֲבוּרָהּ (בראשית יב, טז). The reason Yitzchak managed to become the continuation of Avraham's heritage – was solely because of Sarah, by banishing Hagar and Yishmael.
Sarah and Avraham were not diverging tangents – Avraham doing "his thing" and Sarah doing "her thing" and never the twain shall meet. They were partners in everything. Avraham did הַכְנָסַת אוֹרְחִים with the men, Sarah with the women. Avraham taught Torah to the men, Sarah to the women. It was a division of labor in the same, joint labor of life! Just like Avraham underwent ten trials, so too did Sarah.
Avraham and Sarah were two halves of the same organism. This is the purpose for which HKB"H designed the Creation. When Avraham "fell" (not wanting to banish Yishmael), Sarah was there to support and restore balance. It was primarily because of Sarah that there was שְׁכִינָה בְּנֵיהֶם. This did not mean that she always bowed to Avraham's will, a "yes woman" (as opposed to a "yes man").
When Avraham lost balance, she wasn't shy to set him straight. When Hagar began to mock her and when Yishmael tried to kill Yitzchak, Sarah stood up to Avraham and restored the balance. HKB"H said to Avraham כֹּל אֲשֶׁר תֹּאמַר אֵלֶיךָ שָׂרָה שְׁמַע בְּקֹלָהּ. Sarah was not subjugated to Avraham in any way, this was a FULL partnership, two halves of the same body.
They lived together in complete harmonic motion and they were buried together in מְעָרַת הַמַּכְפֵּלָה, an indivisible, integral unit. The gematria of שָׂרָה is וַיֵּלְכוּ שְׁנֵיהֶם יַחְדָּו.
The fact that the Tanach's "male narrative" is more visible does not in any way diminish the "female narrative". They are equal and are equally powerful – one is simply in the spotlight and the other is simply more active behind the scenes. This was to do tikkun for what happened in Gan Eden where it was reversed. Each time this balance was upset it resulted in calamity – Chava, Dina, Shlomit bat Divri, etc.
Even with Miriam. When Miriam stepped out from "behind the scenes" into the spotlight and criticized Moshe, it did not end well. Was this a negative reflection of Miriam's character and abilities? Not in the least, it was simply a balance of the "male powers" and the "female powers" and the domains in which they operate.
The male powers are more extrovertly prevalent and effective while the female powers are more introvertly prevalent and effective. It is not necessarily the individual in the spotlight that moves mountains, it is often the individual behind the scenes. By spotlighting the female powers and exposing them visibly for everyone to see, diminishes their intrinsic power.
The gematria of אַבְרָהָם שָׂרָה is the same gematria as אוּרִים וְתֻּמִּים. The Gemara (Yoma 73a-b) asks "Why is it called אוּרִים וְתֻּמִּים?" and answers - אוּרִים - שֶׁמְּאִירִין אֶת דִּבְרֵיהֶן, תֻּמִּים - שֶׁמַּשְׁלִימִין אֶת דִּבְרֵיהֶן. The one is in the "spotlight" and the other is complementary (not in the spotlight).
This is the raison d'etre behind the subdivision of the male and female narrative in the Tanach. Anyone who mistakenly thinks that it has to do with subjugation or superiority/inferiority does not understand it at all.
When people begin to read their own interpretations into the narrative and abuse it for their own agendas, that is when trouble begins.
When males misread the narrative in the Torah, mistakenly thinking that it means that males are superior to females, that females are chas vechalila to be belittled, subjugated and abused - then this is a lack of understanding and a perversion of the Torah narrative.
When, as a reactionary result, females try to apply "affirmative action" to "restore" the status of females to "non-subjugation", this leads to trouble in the opposite direction, re: the modern feminist movement.
When, as a reactionary result, society tries to blur the male/female boundaries, this creates havoc in every direction, re: the modern progressive movement.
None of these perversions are part of the Torah or the Torah narrative. Males and females are two halves of the same organism and neither is superior or inferior to the other. They are complementary to each other, each with unique strengths and weaknesses that balance the other.
This is the way it was with Avraham and Sarah and it continues, in our parsha, with Yitzchak and Rivka and in subsequent parshiyot with Yaakov, Rachel, Leah, Bilha and Zilpa.
The Avot and the Imahot are the prototype of HKB"H's envisaged plan for Creation and therefore lay the foundation for the later emergence of Am Yisrael. The gematria of אַבְרָהָם שָׂרָה is the same gematria as עַם יִשְׂרָאֵל גּוּף אֶחָד. It is a progression of tikkun olam, beginning with the family unit, extending to the nation and eventually to the entire world, to reset the world back to its balance as it once was briefly – in Gan Eden, before the balance fell apart.
Shabbat Shalom
Eliezer Meir Saidel
Machon Lechem Hapanim
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