Rabbi Weissman: …………Part Three

 

The Erev Rav Control the Shidduch World — Part Three

Plus Rav Wasserman on discerning truth, the idolatry of political parties, and Zionist protests

In part 24 of The Prophetic Teachings of Rav Elchonon Wasserman we discussed the following:

• How to discern the truth in a world full of falsehood
• The need for God-fearing people to organize and work together
• Why the very existence of political parties is bad for the people and against the Torah
• The futility and counter-productivity of Zionist protests against Arab pogroms and the ruling government

The class is embedded above and on Rumble here.

Speaking of discerning truth in a world full of falsehood, the very notion of decreeing that young women who wish to get married, have children, and build Jewish homes must wait even one day — effectively becoming agunos— to rectify a presumed demographic imbalance is horrific and completely against the Torah. 

The entire discussion around the age gap theory is predicated on a mistaken presumption. Even if the theoretical island with 100 single women and only 80 single men, as they like to depict the shidduch world, actually existed, there would be no justification to exclude the 20 youngest women from dating until more men are shipped in. There is no right for anyone to impede them from moving forward with their lives, even if their existence on the island makes it more difficult for older women to receive attention.

Instead of getting sucked into an argument about numbers, statistics, and theoretical islands, this is the point that needs to be hammered home.  It makes no difference even if there is a demographic imbalance. It is entirely against the Torah to forbid people who wish to get married from doing so for the presumed sake of helping others get married first.

Page 4 of the Erev Rav supplement lists several common explanations for “why so many girls are not married”:

• There are more good girls than boys.
• Girls are too picky.
• There aren’t enough shadchanim.
• Boys only want money and yichus.
  
• The girls are so quick to say no.
• Mothers of boys have such high expectations.
  

This is followed by an Orwellian conclusion: 

While it is true that these factors may make it more difficult for a girl to get married, they are just symptoms of an underlying cause. The issue isn’t pickiness or money; it’s an imbalance we can no longer ignore. It’s time to look beyond what just feels true and face the actual cause of the problem…In a market where the girls severely outnumber the boys, the one who is less picky takes any “chair”, and the one who is picky is inevitably left standing. Treating these symptoms will not create enough chairs — someone will be left standing, and those most vulnerable are the hardest hit.

If you are struggling to make sense of that, rest assured that the problem is not with you.

First of all, how is it that women being overly picky is a symptom of there not being enough men? This is indeed a phenomenon that is widely corroborated — yet just the opposite should be true.

Indeed, they want us to believe all of the following:

• The supply of single men is not nearly enough to meet the demand.
• Single women are therefore desperate for opportunities to date.
• Single women are also extremely picky and quick to say no.

Clearly, 2 and 3 are a contradiction.

If many yeshiva men are too immature and unsophisticated for the single women, it would seem that making mensches out of them would improve the situation — but that is not suggested.

If single women are unreasonably picky, and thereby sabotaging themselves, it would seem that straightening out their values and priorities would improve the situation — but that is not suggested.

They also want us to believe the following:

• Single women who are not extremely picky take what they can get.
• The more picky women remain single.
• There is no reason to encourage women to not be overly picky, because there aren’t enough men, anyway.
• The only solution is to exclude some women from dating to even the numbers.

But if “the one who is picky is inevitably left standing”, and she continues to reject eligible men, what difference will that make? All this does is delay marriage for women who aren’t unreasonable.

In fact, the only guaranteed result of temporarily barring young women from dating is that many of them will get married later than they otherwise would, while having needless angst imposed upon them, and losing a year of prime fertility for good measure.

Page 5 features a silly comic illustrating a room with not enough chairs for all the women, follow by this conclusion:

A mathematical problem requires a mathematical solution. There are more girls than boys in the shidduchim market; there just aren’t enough chairs. We have to either add chairs, (bring boys home early,) or ask some girls to wait outside. That’s the only way to ensure that everyone in the room gets a seat.

They have hereby reduced the many layers of problems in the shidduch world, including the corruption of values, the improper priorities and expectations, the bad behavior, the colossal failure of matchmakers, the extreme shortage of meeting opportunities, the inability of people to date properly and develop healthy relationships, and an overall departure from Torah principles — they have reduced all of that to a simple numbers game.

A mathematical problem requires a mathematical solution! We just need to bring more chairs into the room and ask some girls to wait outside! Then all those other problems will just go away, if they even exist at all.

What’s most remarkable is that The Gedolim™ would frame a serious crisis facing the Jewish people as a mere mathematical problem. 

If there is not enough rainfall, and not enough water to meet demand, is this a mathematical problem? Would the response of real Gedolim be that we need to create more water, and force some people to drink less?

If locusts eat the crops, would the response of real Gedolim be that we need to drive away locusts and control the food supply?

If, God forbid, we lose wars against inferior enemies, would the response of real Gedolim be to obtain better weapons and send yeshiva students to the army to replace the soldiers who were killed? 

Real Gedolim would urge us to examine how we have veered from the Torah and to address potential spiritual causes of the crisis. While they would certainly encourage sensible behavior, in accordance with the nature of the world, they would never reduce a widespread calamity to a simple numbers game. That is the definition of going with Hashem b’keri, with happenstance, and the very essence of kefira.

Lehavdil, if large numbers of yeshiva students have no money to make ends meet, would the same rabbis pushing the age gap nonsense frame it as a mathematical problem requiring the creation of more money by working for a living, instead of becoming schnorrers and perpetually dependent on others as a first resort?

So why is the shidduch world suddenly just a secular problem, requiring a most secular solution?

No matter how they wrap it in melodramatic statements about following The Gedolim™, doing our hishtadlus, and doing the retzon Hashem, their overall approach is as secular as can be. It is also senseless, cruel, and entirely against the Torah. It is guaranteed to bring nothing but harm upon the Jewish people. 

Therefore, it is our obligation to firmly reject it and all those who are attempting to foist it upon us.

But we are far from finished addressing this Erev Rav garbage. To be continued.

For your reading displeasure, and to preserve the evidence so we can better hold these Erev Rav creeps accountable, below are the first five pages of the supplement. I will share more as we continue with this series.

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