וַיִּסְעוּ מִדִּיבֹן גָּד וַיַּחֲנוּ בְּעַלְמֹן דִּבְלָתָיְמָה. (במדבר לג, מו)
Although the temptation is great, in this shiur I will not be discussing (not directly anyway) the topics of the Charedim serving in the Israeli army, nor the conflicting ideologies of the secular and religious Zionists regarding the purpose of the State of Israel - although these are central themes in our parsha (Reuven/Gad and the sheep, the עָרֵי מִקְלָט). Instead, I would like to explore an extremely important, fundamental concept that appears subliminally in our parsha, that if we were not paying close attention, could easily be missed.
But first a true story (names and circumstances have been changed to protect the innocent).
Yoav was born a gifted child, although his parents didn't immediately recognize it. Already at 7 months he was saying "mama" and "dada", although the other aspects of his development, for the most part, seemed to proceed according to the bell curve. In fact, he actually started walking a little later than expected, around 19 months, much to the delight of his grandmother who had begun to worry that something was wrong with him. Yoav's toddler years were not extraordinary in any way, he seemed like every other regular child.
It was only when he began school, first grade, did people begin to notice that Yoav was "different" from the other children. His constant restlessness and naughty shenanigans drew attention and began to interfere with the normal running of the class. He was constantly getting into fights with other kids, which usually ended up with tussling on the ground, accompanied by fisticuffs.
The first, instinctive reaction, both of Yoav's parents and the school staff was to apply discipline, which they did in equal measure, however it did not have the desired effect. The errant behavior continued until it reached boiling point. The school called Yoav's parents in for a consultation and basically gave them an ultimatum – figure out what is going on with your son and deal with it, or we will have to expel him.
Yoav's distraught parents sought professional help and sent him for a series of tests and evaluations, with doctors, psychologists, etc. After a harrowing six months, when all the results came in, the conclusion was unanimous. "Your son is a gifted child. He has an IQ of 160 and the reason he is restless is because he is bored in class. The material is far below his level". The specialists suggested enrolling Yoav in extramural classes for gifted children to supplement the school education with additional, more advanced material of Yoav's intellectual level.
Although Yoav's middle class parents were already struggling financially with simply paying the extravagant school fees, they worked extra hard to be able to fund these extramural activities. In the following months Yoav was bombarded daily with after school classes on architecture, astronomy, music, biology and sport (the specialists recommended that he also engage in extra physical activity to vent his pent-up frustration).
Although there was a distinct improvement in Yoav's behavior, it was primarily at home. At school he was still getting up to all kinds of mischief. After a joint meeting with Yoav's parents, teachers and the specialists, the decision was reached that the only resolution for the "school problem" was to move Yoav up one year, to a higher class, to be together with children more on his intellectual level.
At the beginning of the next school year, Yoav "skipped" a class and suddenly found himself together with children almost two years older than him. Miraculously, almost overnight, his naughtiness at school ceased. His behavior became more subdued and his grades began to improve. It was not necessarily that the educational material was more on a par with his intellectual level, but rather because he found himself trying to cope emotionally with children almost two years his senior. Although he was intellectually advanced, emotionally he was still only seven years old, not nine.
This was the pattern of Yoav's remaining school career. Watching the other children in the class maturing physically long before him, reaching puberty, their voices deepening, beginning to shave, discovering girls, etc. Although he was their intellectual peer, in many cases more advanced than them, he was the "baby" in the class and always an outsider. Yoav had little connection with the children his own age in the lower class. It was like being in two different worlds, but not belonging in either. His only social life was his family, cousins of a similar age.
Yoav graduated twelfth grade at the ripe old age of sixteen and already the mindset was focused on the next step. All Yoav's contemporary cousins had already applied for and been accepted into dentistry school. There was immense pressure on Yoav to follow suit, so he took the entrance exams but did not pass. To placate his disappointed father Yoav applied to and was accepted for studies in another paramedical oriented profession. College was a repeat of school for Yoav – studies and zero social life. Although interesting and stimulating, the paramedical studies did not fully challenge Yoav's intellectual ability and halfway through the course, Yoav made a decision – for the first time on his own – to switch careers to something more mentally stimulating and challenging.
Most of Yoav's contemporaries began becoming involved in relationships and some were already getting married, but not Yoav. Although the same age as them, he was not yet emotionally ready for such relationships. This is not to say that he didn't try, numerous times, but his dating efforts always ended in abject failure and frustration. It was only when he was approaching his thirties, did Yoav finally find his "bashert" and this began a new, game-changing chapter in his life.
Married life, kids, house … more kids. This period in Yoav's life was almost a mirror image of his toddler years. From the outside, Yoav appeared like every other happily married family man, enjoying a comfortable income, living in a respectable community, with good friends. But somehow, Yoav still remained … restless. And with the restlessness came the beginning of the troubles.
Despite his comfortable life, Yoav decided to ditch his scientific, mentally stimulating profession and migrated to the "opposite end" of the spectrum, beginning a career in something that primarily involved menial labor. His friends thought he had lost his mind. His family, including his wife, thought he was "off his rocker" but decided to play along, out of love for him. It was another tumultuous period in Yoav's life, typified by tension, strife, loss of faith and lots of anger. It was like first grade for Yoav all over again.
Like in the previous "first grade" period, specialists were sought and solutions offered. However, unlike the previous school chapter in Yoav's life, the solutions this time came from within Yoav himself and were not imposed on him from the outside. Totally unexpectedly, from something connected to his new line of work, Yoav discovered a spark that had been dormant in him his whole life. It was something that had been in front of his face the entire time, but he could not see it. It was as if someone lifted a screen covering his eyes and suddenly things began to become clear.
After losing his emunah and straying from the path, Yoav slowly began to mitkarev and was חוֹזֵר בִּתְשׁוּבָה. He began investing most of his time and energy fanning the flame of that spark, which subsequently developed into a full-blown passion. From out of nowhere, Yoav emerged as the world's leading expert on this specific subject and became a published author. This could never have come about in the absence of all the skill sets that Yoav acquired throughout his tumultuous and varied life. Each experience contributed its own small niche that enabled Yoav to attain this ultimate goal.
How does the story end? Did Yoav achieve his dream and live happily ever after? We don't know yet, because the story has not ended. Although his restlessness has finally been quieted, Yoav is still battling to reconcile his former self with his current self. It will probably continue to be a battle for the remainder of his life.
עַד כָּאן הַמָּשָׁל.
Sefer Bamidbar, or more accurately, what transpired with Am Yisrael in the Midbar, is a highly concentrated microcosm of our entire history as a nation, before and ever since. We read of wondrous epiphanies, like Yam Suf, like Har Sinai and then we read of cataclysmic crises, like the sin with the egel, like the ten spies. We read of great miracles, like the Mann and then we read of insidious complaints against this miraculous food. We read of iconic, great leaders like Moshe and Aharon and then we read of great villains like Datan, Aviram and Korach. We read of great opportunity and then we read about missed opportunity.
How are we to understand sefer Bamidbar? Indeed, how are we to understand the entire history of our nation which is a mirror image of the generation of the Midbar?
The answer can be derived from our mashal above (although that is one specific story about one specific person, I am sure we can all relate to various parts of it from our own lives).
When HKB"H created mankind, He embedded within us צֶלֶם אַ-לֹקִים. We are all born gifted, each and every one of us. We do not all share the same gift, each has their own unique gift, that reflects some aspect of the צֶלֶם אַ-לֹקִים. It is like a spark within each of us, waiting to grow into a flame.
HKB"H, the parent (as it were) puts us, his children in Gan Eden and He says to us - do this, do that, don't do this! Why? Because I told you so, I have more "life experience" than you do and I know what the outcome will be if you do such and such. And incredibly, what does the "child" do? Exactly the opposite of what the "Parent" told him. In order to be able to defy the directive of the "Parent", HKB"H had to design the world in such a way that it is possible to defy directives in the first place. HKB"H designed the world with free choice.
If the directive is solid and is for our benefit, why allow us to defy it at all? Wouldn't the world be a better place without free choice? And the answer is no, it would not.
HKB"H gives all of us a spark from birth. HKB"H then says to us "Ready set … go!" Go off and live your life. Just remember, the purpose is that at the end of your life, the spark will be a flame!"
Now if every one of us was identical, if we all had the exact same physical body, the same brain, the same emotions, the ... same spark, life would be a no-brainer. We would just copy one another, like AI. However, we are not all the same. We are all born with a different spark and a different "vessel". HKB"H does not demand that at the end of our lives that our flame will be the same as our neighbor's. All He demands is that, using the vessel given to us, we fan our own unique spark into a unique flame.
It would be nice if everyone was born with their own unique "handbook". I know many parents wish their children were born with a "user manual". The truth is that such a "handbook", or "user manual" does exist, it is called the Torah. How painless would it be if we simply follow the "handbook"? We could travel from point A to point B without mishap.
However, that is not the way HKB"H designed us humans. He designed us so that the only way we can truly learn and change, is via personal experience. The only indelible synaptic nerve pattern in our brain is one that is derived from personal experience. That is why it never works when a parent tells a child "Don't rock on your chair, you will fall over and hurt yourself!" Two seconds later, the kid is still rocking. However, when he falls backward and gets a nice bump on the head that takes two weeks to disappear, that cures him from chair rocking for life. HKB"H tells us "Do this, do that, don't do this!" And what do we do? We continue "rocking on the chair". And we fall and hurt ourselves and we learn.
In this way we build the "vessel", step by step, drawing on past personal experience. This allows the vessel to grow in strength and contain ever increasing "heat", until it can finally house an intense flame. If you try inject fire into a vessel that is not ready for that intensity, the vessel will shatter and break. This is what happened at Har Sinai which was followed by the sin of the egel. This is what happened with the four that entered the פַּרְדֵּס. Only R' Akiva emerged intact, because his "vessel" was strong enough to withstand the intensity. Ben Azai, Ben Zoma, Elisha ben Avuyah had not built their "vessels" to the degree necessary to contain that intensity and their vessels shattered.
When HKB"H created each and every one of us, each with our own unique vessel and spark, He also created us with our own unique timeline. To get to the next level and build the resilience of the "vessel" - for person A, more often than not requires a different time period than - for person B. Some talk before others, some walk before others, some finish school before others, some get married before others, some discover their "right" profession before others. Every human being has their own unique timeline. We all have to do things in our own good time. Only that way can we learn, change and build the vessel. Trying to rush things - at best will have no effect, or at worst can be disastrous.
HKB"H created all humans with a spark. Some humans, using the mechanism of free choice that HKB"H encoded into creation, chose to douse that spark rather than fan it, like Eisav, like Yishmael. Some humans, like Yaakov, decided to nurture it. That spark still exists in each and every soul in Am Yisrael, however faint and hidden it might seem.
Sefer Bamidbar and Jewish history is a repetitive tale of Am Yisrael learning from personal experience and building the vessel.
It would have been nice if Adam HaRishon would not have eaten from the forbidden tree. It would have been nice if the brothers had never sold Yosef. It would have been nice if Am Yisrael would not have sinned with the egel. It would have been nice if the ten spies would not have spoken lashon harah against Eretz Yisrael. It would have been nice if Am Yisrael didn't make the mistakes that resulted in the destruction of Bayit Rishon, עֲבוֹדָה זָרָה, שְׁפִיכוּת דָּמִים וְגִלּוּי עֲרָיוֹת. It would have been nice if we could have refrained from the שִׂנְאַת חִנָּם that resulted in the destruction of Bayit Sheini and the almost 2000-year exile. It would have been nice if the entire Torah world would have joined with the Zionist pioneers in returning to Eretz Yisrael and building the state according to Torah values. It would have been nice if after the Six Day War we would have taken full control over Har HaBayit and started rebuilding the Beit HaMikdash. It would have been nice if after the Twelve Day War we would have continued the same momentum in Gaza. It would have been nice if the Charedim would enlist en masse in the IDF. It would be nice if the left-wing Kaplan fanatics would smell the roses. We would be so much better off if these things did not happen, right?
Would we? I believe we would not! Each and every one of these things results in another personal-experience-lesson - on a national level. It is another layer of resilience that strengthens the vessel, until it will be sturdy enough to contain another Har Sinai epiphany (the Geulah) and not shatter like it did last time, when the vessel was not ready for that intensity.
When we look at the world through these spectacles, there is no despair, not on a personal level and not on a national level.
No despair that one of our children is not yet married. No despair that some family member has strayed from the path. No despair that we are financially in trouble because of the war. No despair that a family member is seriously ill. No despair when the war claims so many lives. No despair when our nation seems so divided. No despair when our leaders seem so impotent. No despair when we see the hate in the world.
It is all a learning curve for Am Yisrael and each stage builds the vessel a little stronger. We cannot escape the learning curve, it would be nice if we could, but that is not the way the world works. Everything has to happen all in good time, on a personal level and on a national level.
Every part of the journey is another essential contributing factor that gives rise to the end result. Even if the specific part of the journey is in the wrong direction. They are all listed, because in the end they all make up the learning curve.
What happened in דִּיבֹן גָּד or in עַלְמֹן דִּבְלָתָיְמָה? Nobody knows because the Torah doesn't say, neither do Chazal or the Mefarshim. So why list it at all? Because it is an essential part of the journey. If we did not travel down that path we would never have progressed to the next stage and the next and the next. This is appropriate on an individual as it is on a national level. Nothing is pointless. There is no despair (despite what the yetzer hara would have us believe).
During this period of בֵּין הַמְּצָרִים we remember our history and what brought us to this point and - we learn from it and build the vessel.
We daven to HKB"H that He will have mercy on us and forgive our sins. That He will shorten our period of tribulation and suffering and hasten the Geulah on an individual level on and on a national level בבי"א.
Shabbat Shalom
Eliezer Meir Saidel
Machon Lechem Hapanim
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